“I want it, Silas. I want us so much. There’s no way we can do this. I don’t—unless I quit, or you quit, or the league changes, or you go back down to the regular league, or I could go back down to the regular league. But even then, they might not even allow that. I’m—I mean, I don’t want to say this, but I’m too good to play in the lower league.”
I laughed.
“I don’t mean that you’re not too good of an official to be in the lower league. That’s not what I’m saying.”
“I know what you’re saying. Elliot. You’re saying that you want to find a way for us to be together that doesn’t jeopardize your career. Is that what you want?”
He ran a hand through his hair. “Yes, of course. Yes. Silas, I love you.”
My jaw dropped.
I knew he cared about me. I knew we got along well. I knew we were explosive in bed. I knew all those things. But I’d always thought we were together because it was convenient. At least for him. For me, I was with him because he was the light of my life.
“You love me?”
“Yes, I love you.” He said the words so easily. Like they were obvious. “I want to be with you always. I’ve never been the marrying type, but with you, I want that. I want it all.”
I couldn’t help myself, I launched off the couch and crashed into him. I held him tight and just savored the feeling of him in my arms. We were cheek to cheek, chest to chest. He moaned against me, pulling on my shirt like he couldn’t wait to touch my skin. I understood. I wanted that too. I let him pull at my shirt while I slipped my hand under his sweatshirt to find that he was naked under there, like he had dressed so hastily to get here that he hadn’t remembered a t-shirt.
“We can’t,” he said. “It can just be for the night. We can’t be together for real, Silas.”
“I quit,” I said.
He snorted out a laugh. “You can’t quit. This is your career. You wouldn’t—”
“I don’t give a fuck about my career, Elliot. I love hockey, right? I love what I do, and I’m good at it. I made it to the top slowly because I wanted to stay with you. For you, I would give it all up in a heartbeat. I’d be a stay-at-home husband who follows you around the country, carrying your gear bag and bringing you water and Gatorade and icing your shoulder and whatever other injury you have.”
Elliot sank against me, his forehead resting against my shoulder, and let out a small sob.
“I can’t ask that of you.”
“You’re not asking. I’m telling. I want this.”
He shook his head. “No, Silas, that’s not fair. That is not something that I would ever—”
I put my hand over his mouth. “I love you. I love that you love the game. That’s what brought us together. And I know that you would not give up your career for me. I know that. And I don’t give a fuck, because I would never, ever, under any circumstances ask that of you. And I know you wouldn’t ask it of me. That’s why I’m offering. I know it’s not traditional and normal, and I know I should want to be the one who brings home the paycheck and blah, blah, blah. But this—”
I gestured towards our apartment.
“Putting together our home, having it ready for you when you come back to me from your games? That brings me more joy than working ever could.”
“You’re serious?”
“I’d love nothing more than to be your husband. Your primary supporter.”
“That would make you happy?”
“Yes. And I know that doesn’t make me much of an alpha—”
This time he put his hand over in my mouth.
“It makes you the best alpha.”
Elliot threw his arms around my neck and put his lips on mine. The world was complete.
Chapter 19
Elliot
