Since the guys thought I was single, they had tried to set me up with friends and family members over the years. I’d declined enough times that they now thought I was some sort of confirmed bachelor. It helped that Nix was the same way. As the only other omega on the team, we had bonded early.
“Yeah, let’s go out after I talk with the press,” I said.
“You going to drink with us tonight, Shaw?” Derek’s eyes were comically wide, his cheeks flushed from the heat of the game.
“Yeah, I’m not a complete hermit, you know.”
He clapped me on the back. “Nah, but you usually obsessively watch replays of the games during the season. You’re worse than Cap!”
It was true. I did spend a lot of time re-watching games. But that was because I wanted Silas’s feedback, and we would spend hours on the phone dissecting every frame together.
The guys all thought I was talking to a former teammate of mine. In reality, I was talking to my alpha.
“Let’s go get hammered!” Derek put both hands on my shoulders and shook, forgetting that he was three inches and fifty pounds bigger than me. My teeth shook from his onslaught.
“Yeah, after the press,” I said.
Silas would understand. Tomorrow we both had the day off and we could spend the day together. Our first in nearly six weeks.
Chapter 3
Silas
When I got home, the apartment was empty and cold. Sterile almost. The place looked like it was staged for a walkthrough for people to rent it rather than a place that people actually lived. I had been traveling non-stop. I had only just arrived right before the game began. I had enough time to drop my bag, grab my Port City Badger sweatshirt, and get out the door. It was risky even wearing that, but if anyone asked, I could just tell them it was a gift. I had sweatshirts from all sorts of teams in the league. It was a perk of being part of the organization. Of course, Port City was the only team that I would wear out in public. I watched hockey religiously, and loved it more than anything, but my heart was with the Port City Badgers. Or whatever team Elliot was on.
I’d love to wear something with Elliot’s number on it. I’d be proud to.
God, I was so gone for that man.
I never would. I never could.
I cranked up the heat in the apartment and grabbed the blankets I knew that Elliot liked. He would be home after he and his team celebrated their win. I had plenty of time to get ready for him, which really just meant I had plenty of time to sit around by myself.
My text that I had sent just before leaving the arena was left on read. No reply.
I switched over to Instagram and went to Nix’s profile. He was the goalie for the Badgers. That man seemed to post every moment of his day on social media, much to the manager’s dismay, I’m sure. Already he had a picture post-game with his arm around Elliot, pressing a kiss to Elliot’s temple. The caption said something about how grateful he was to have this amazing center on the team and how they would be unstoppable this season.
In the background, there was Coach Garrison with his partner, Rowan. Who I wasn’t supposed to know was the mascot for the team. Evan, the team captain, was there with an omega on his arm. According to Elliot, they had been dating for a few months. He was apparently invited to team events. But not me. I wasn’t allowed, and I never would be.
I clenched my jaw, forcing those thoughts from my head. I had to be happy with what I had, because if I wasn’t, then I was going to lose it, and that was not what I wanted. It was not my place to ask for more. I should not expect more. Elliot and I knew what the risks were when we started this thing, and we knew the limitations.
Years ago, the thought of either of us being in the League of Ice Kings was such a pipe dream. Now here we were. I wasn’t in the league, but I wasn’t dumb. I knew if I wanted to be, I could walk on easy enough.
Knowing the risks and living them were two different things.
This was Elliot’s dream. I could not ruin that or get in the way at all. I would take what was given to me and be happy with it.
Our love of hockey may have brought us together, but ultimately, it was going to be the thing that kept us so far apart.
Unless…
It was the unless and the promise that that word held that kept me sane.
Unless I quit. Unless I didn’t travel. Unless I took a different job within the hockey realm where there wasn’t a conflict of interest with Elliot’s position in the league. But none of that was worth anything unless it was something that Elliot actually wanted. And that was not something I was sure of. I knew Elliot better than anyone. I knew if I brought home his favorite candy fromthe store, he would tilt his head to the side and smile, then he’d give me a kiss on the cheek and tell me I was the best. If I paired his socks incorrectly, he sighed loudly while he re-paired them all.
But I had no idea what would happen if I told him how I truly felt.
Outright rejection? Reciprocation? I did not know, and I was too afraid to find out.
