Connor looks at me for a second, like he’s trying to decide whether I’m really this dense or just dodging. I keep walking, because I’m afraid if I stop, everything in my chest is going to spill out.
“Well,” he says, his voice careful, “you’ve barely looked at me since last night.”
“Have I?” I say, slowing a little but keeping my eyes on the trail. At least he’s kind enough not to mention the boner. “I’m fine.”
“You’re not.”
Something in the way he says it gets right through me. I stop walking and stare up through the trees, blinking hard against the sudden burn in my eyes.
For a second, neither of us says anything.
Then Connor says quietly, “Is this about the kiss?”
My heart stumbles.
“What? No,” I say too fast. Heat rushes up my neck anyway, which is deeply unhelpful. I look away before he can read anything in my face and grab for the explanation that feels safer. “It’s just…this morning really got to me.”
Connor watches me in silence, like he knows I’m leaving something out but isn’t going to push.
“Hearing Rick with her like that,” I say, dragging a hand through my hair. “Obviously I knew they were sleeping together. I’m not an idiot. But hearing it was…a lot.” I let out a breath and shake my head. “I think part of me still wanted to believe he ended things because of fear, or pressure, or his family. That it wasn’t really about me. And then this morning I had to listen to him sounding perfectly happy with her, and all I could think was maybe it was me after all. Maybe I was just this phase he needed to get through before he could have the life he actually wanted.”
Something shifts in Connor’s face at that. It isn’t pity. His expression closes off, his jaw tightening.
“We were together for three years,” I continue. “Three years of him promising someday, someday, someday. And now he gets to have all of it out in the open. The relationship. The engagement. The future.” I laugh once, without humor. “And I’m still getting wrecked by hearing him fuck her like some pathetic idiot who can’t let go.”
Connor exhales through his nose and looks away, like he’s trying not to say exactly what he thinks. Then he turns back to me.
“You’re not pathetic,” he says, and I swallow, meeting his gaze. “He hid you for three years, Noah. Then he dumped you, showed up here engaged, and made sure you heard them.” His mouth tightens. “I think that idiot’s jealous. I think he only fucked her because he saw us making out last night.”
My cheeks heat at the words.
“Yeah,” I say. “Maybe.”
“So if you want him back, we can make him even more jealous,” he says. “I’m sure he’ll come crawling back.”
“Yeah,” I say again, my heart kicking harder. I don’t want Rick back. Not after everything he put me through. But the thought of maybe kissing Connor again sends a rush through me so fast it almost makes me lightheaded. “It’s a good idea,” I add, my mouth suddenly dry.
We look at each other, and something in my chest gives way. I feel stupid standing there like this, so transparent, so completely at the mercy of what I feel for the guy in front of me.The guy I can’t have. My eyes start to sting before I can stop them.
He must think it’s about Rick, because his expression softens. Then he steps closer and pulls me into his arms, one hand sliding to the back of my head, the other wrapping around my waist as he folds me against him.
I should pull away. I should keep at least a little of my dignity intact. But Connor is warm and solid and so fucking good to lean into that the second my face presses against his chest, I’m done. A sob tears out of me, humiliating and helpless, and I grab at his shirt, bunching the fabric in my fist as I try to hide the sound against him.
“It’s okay,” he murmurs, his hand moving through my hair.
That only makes it worse.
So I cry for all of it—for the years I wasted, for the shame I carried, for the anger still lodged inside me. I cry because Rick gets to move on like none of it cost him anything while I’m still trying to drag myself out of the wreckage. I cry because Connor is holding me so close I can feel every breath he takes, and because some awful part of me wants to stay here, tucked against him, for far longer than I should.
“I’m sorry,” I choke out, wrecked by the fact that this is happening at all. “For all of this.”
Connor’s arms tighten around me. “You’re allowed to be upset, Noah.”
I let my eyes fall shut and just breathe.
I don’t know how long we stand there like that. Long enough for my breathing to slow. Long enough for the worst of itto pass. When I finally pull back, it’s only a little, just enough to look up at him.
His hand is still at the back of my head. His other one is still on my waist.
