I remember crying the entire time.
Jimmy put me in my bed and crawled in with me and held me while I cried myself to sleep. But I woke up and snuck out and came into my dad’s room sometime in the night, which is where Jimmy found me when he woke.
I hadn’t left since.
He didn’t join me in bed either.
One night I woke myself up crying from a nightmare, and he sat up from lying on the floor, startled.
I kept over-hearing voices in the house.
Jimmy came and went but hadn’t stayed long. I think he was trying to give me space since I am in my dad’s room. I didn’t think he’d left since we got here other than to go get some items from his place to bring back since very little of my things were here anymore and he had nothing. I overheard him ask David to stay with me while he was gone, but he never came into the room.
I overheard other voices coming and going.
Some checked on us, others offered to help, while some came to bring information and updates. One of those updates was that the company was covering the funeral arrangements for those that lost their lives, so their families didn’t have to worry.
Except for Richard and Dan since they caused all of this. That was the cherry on top of Karen and Patricia’s shit sundae.
There were a total of 11 deaths.
The four in room four.
There were four men in the Tipple when it collapsed.
One person got hit with a chunk of debris at the outer wall of room three that was the closest to The Hole and the side of the mountain.
The last two were in the entry of room five right where it had collapsed.
It was a miracle more didn’t die.
Jimmy arranged for my dad’s funeral to happen last. He wanted to give me time to process, I guess.
I slept on and off, waking up when Jimmy tried to get me to eat or asked if I needed anything. I just stared at him, but at least I have stopped crying finally. I think my body ran out of salt to produce more tears. It was replaced with this numbness that only seemed to come for the blackest part of my soul, keeping me from living even though I survived.
I don’t deserve it.
All of this was my fault.
From the very beginning.
If the events hadn’t happened in West Virginia, we wouldn’t have been here at all. If I hadn’t mouthed off to Richard, a target wouldn’t have been on my back. If he hadn’t zeroed in on me, maybe he never would have caught Jimmy and I in the mine car, elevating the situation into what it became.
Jimmy hurt.
Richard, arrested and fired.
My dad, dead.
I finally got out of bed, but cradled one of my dad’s pillows in my arms so I could bury my face in it when I wanted to. I silently walked to my room, but Jimmy wasn’t there, so I went downstairs. I found him on the couch, with papers scattered everywhere, a pen in his hand. He jolted his head up when he felt my presence, dropping the pen and rushing over to me.
“Honey.” He took me in his arms, the pillow between us. I pressed my head against his chest and breathed in a mix of his scent and my dad’s. Without breaking away, he whispered, “What do you need? Tell me and I’ll do it or get it for you.”
“What day is it?” My voice was rough, my throat dry.
“It’s been four days. It’s Monday,” he kissed my head, swaying me side to side in comfort, his hands rubbing up and down my back. “Are you hungry? I can get you something.”
I nodded slightly with the room I had to move my head. Without letting me go, he turned me around and guided me to the kitchen. It felt odd being here with Jimmy. I had technically only lived here a little more than a week before I started to stay at Jimmy’s unit.
