Regardless, I tug on my bikini in the tight space of the shower and push back the accordion style door.
I scream.
God, I scream. I only see the body—the shape of an intruder before he turns, hands in the air.
“Summer, it’s me.”
“Me” is Mason.
I exhale a combined mix of relief and annoyance, especially when his eyes sweep over my half-naked body.
“What are you doing here?” I demand. “I thought we finished this the other day?”
I fight to keep the nerves out of my voice.
He flashes puppy dog eyes, the eyes of a wounded soul, and says, “I hated how we left things the other day—how this whole thing has fallen apart. It’s a disaster and I just wanted to come here and take the blame for it—all of it.”
I eye him skeptically. “I don’t need you to take the blame. I’ve moved on.”
“I see that and I’m glad.” Again he appraises me and my skin feels slimy. “You look great. Healthy and confident. It’s good to see the spark of that girl I fell for at the beginning.”
His words feel like a slap, but one made from truth. I lost myself along the way with him. I was tied up, consumed in a wholly unhealthy way.
“You’re the reason I lost that spark, Mason. I kept so many secrets and lies. I destroyed my relationships with friends and my mom.” And myself, I wanted to add, but he no longer gets to know all my thoughts.
“You’re right. I was totally out of line. Our relationship was wrong in so many ways. I was tempted and failed—miserably. As the adult in the situation I knew better, and I let my desires control me.”
The Airstream feels too small. He’s apologizing but it doesn’t feel right. He’s blocking the door and I realize how incredibly vulnerable I am.
“I think you should leave.”
“Okay, I will, but I have one last request.”
“What?”
“Go on the trip to France. I’ll back out. Say I’m sick. I was called for jury duty. Whatever it takes.” He touches the door but doesn’t leave. “It’s not fair for me to go when you worked so hard to get there. You deserve that trip more than anyone.”
His words strike a chord. I did work hard for that trip. I busted my ass at work, at school and everywhere else. It was my dream trip that I’d saved and scrimped for over the last two years. Mason and I had talked about it for hours…days. We walked through the park, holding hands, making plans for our trip. We made love at his apartment and later looked over the itinerary. I felt the strings of that time tugging at me. When things were right with my world even if they were wrong.
I almost say yes.
Almost.
“I can’t.”
He frowns. “Why?”
I look around the tiny camper that’s become my home for the summer. “I’m helping my mom on her book and learning a lot about the process. I’ve met family down here I never knew I had. I’m not ready to leave them yet. I’m just getting to know them.”
His eyes darken, slipping a shade. “Your mom. Your family. That’s all that’s holding you back from your dream?”
He wants to know if there’s another guy. I swallow and reply, “I’ve found something down here, Mason. Mostly myself. I didn’t realize how lost I’d become.”
He takes a tentative step closer and I grip the side of the door. The problem with Mason is I loved him so much that I’d been willing to risk everything for him, and when he’s near me and holds my eyes with his, I realize how very hard it is for me to say no to him. It was hard then and it’s hard now.
“You’re saying what we had wasn’t real?”
“No. I’m saying what we had wasn’t healthy.”
