“How could they date after all that?” I ask. “That seems wrong. Really wrong.”
“He was my soul mate, or I thought he was, and I was crushed.” She touches her hair. “But once we had a chance to talk this summer—really talk—I understood better. I abandoned them as much as I thought they abandoned me. They only had each other to talk to about this tragedy, but they didn’t love each other, not like that, and it’s why they didn’t last.”
“So much wasted time.”
She smiles. “When Gaskins was arrested and the extent of his crimes was known, I knew we had escaped the devil that night—barely. That’s when I started writing about these crimes. At first I wrote about local stories or other sensationalized killers, but I was afraid to dig into Gaskins. More and more though, he was in my thoughts, and the more I looked into his story, the more I knew I needed to tell it. I knew there must be others like myself out there.”
“Like Martha,” I say.
“The problem, Summer, is I spent my life running away from this thing. Richard loved me and I loved him. I dare say he’s the love of my life, and I threw it away because of fear. Along with my best friend and cousin. Ultimately, I allowed Donald Gaskins to take that from me. I decided not to allow him to do that anymore.”
I lean over and pulled my mother into a hug, crying the snotty kind of cry people go into when it’s all too much, and you just let go. Her story is too much. Richard and Sugar. It’s all too painful and my stupid affair and dramatics with Mason seem trivial in comparison. “I’m so sorry, Mom,” I manage, but it feels insufficient.
She gathers my face in her hands and shakes her head. “Don’t feel sorry for me. Be happy I finally figured it out. What I want to pass on to you is for you to understand it’s not okay to allow others to create your destiny. Don’t let the choices bad people make rule the way you navigate your life.” She brushes her thumb across my cheek, wiping away a tear. “Do you understand me?”
I nod and choke back a sob, because I do understand her. More than she probably realizes.
The party dividesinto several different groups. The family types are down by the edge of the water, supervising the kids, building sandcastles and playing. The adults, the ones my mom’s age, are on the porch, setting out food and refilling the coolers with ice. The rest of us, not quite adult, not quite kids, hover somewhere in between. I kind of float around the groups, first spending time with Anita and Bobby by the water, and then helping my mom and Sugar organize the food on the big picnic tables on the porch. Whit, Justin, Nick, and Ivy spend the day in the water, riding waves.
I’m watching them from the boardwalk when Pete stands next to me. “You’re back.”
I jump at his voice and throw my arms around his neck. “I am so glad to see you.”
He presses his forehead to mine. “Me too. You had me worried for a minute.”
“But not as much as the others?”
“Sometimes people need space. I understand that.” He glances at the water. “Some people ride the emotional edge a little closer.”
“In some ways you guys are so similar,” I say to him, feeling his hand on my back, “But at the same time so incredibly unique.”
“So you’re here to stay?” His black hair blows in the wind.
“For a while, at least. I want to finish out the season here. Repair any damage I may have caused so far.”
There’s little doubt I’m talking about Justin, and Pete nods in understanding.
Out in the ocean, Justin catches a wave and floats across the water as if it’s nothing. Pete nods at him. “I love him like a brother, but in the end he’s like any other guy. He’ll push you away if you give him a chance.”
“I apologized. And I think he accepted it, but there’s still something lingering that he can’t get past.”
Ivy comes in next and the two of them splash in the water. They act like two kids. Justin only stops to dunk her under water before dragging her out again.
“They dated, you know.”
Anita hinted to as much. “Really?”
“Back before she and Maggie hooked up. It was hard on him and Maggie. They were jealous of each other.”
“I can imagine.”
“They grew up together and shared so many experiences. Maggie didn’t think she could compete with a history like that and Justin wasn’t completely ready to let her go.”
Justin stands up in waist-deep and shakes the water out of his hair. He looks like a merman. “He shouldn’t have to let her go. Not completely.”
“That’s what Ivy said. Her relationship with Justin was before she figured out what she really wanted. It took them a long time to be friends, but that’s more about Justin’s trust issues than anything else.”
“How did he take it, when he found out she…” I searched for the words.
