“You remember what I was wearing?” she asks, gazing up at me in awe.
I lift one corner of my mouth in a half smile. “Is that pathetic?”
Shaking her head, she uses the buoyancy of the water to lift herself up and press a kiss to my cheek. “Not at all. I think it’s sweet.”
“Don’t tell anyone. You’ll ruin my reputation.”
She holds up her hand, three fingers raised with her thumb holding down her pinky. “Scouts promise.” Breaking into a smile, she nods behind her at the ledge. “Sit with me?”
With a nod, I lift her up on the edge with ease, following to plant myself next to her. She takes an audible breath in, exhaling it slowly while I wait patiently. Whatever she’s about to share with me seems... major. Significant. Like I better be listening with my good ears and not just my “mmhm” ones.
Though when it comes to Jordan, I think I generally listen with the good ones. She always tells me the important stuff. For years she’s been confiding in me. At first it was mostly when Nate was around and we were all sitting at the bar—she’d be telling him her problems, and I was just a third wheel to it all.
Then one night, a couple years ago, she and Paul had a significant argument where she’d caught him flirting with a coworker at a work function he’d brought her to. She’d stormed into 10-42, sat down next to me decked out in a black dress that still lives in my fantasies, and drowned her feelings with tequila. Nate was nowhere to be found, so I drowned my thoughts of the black dress, and she told me about the night. The moron had exchanged numbers with this other woman, and I’d wanted to beat him for it. He never deserved a second of Jordan’s time.
Most don’t.
Her feet swish in the water for a moment, a second breath drawing in before she begins, “Nate threw a party back when he was a senior in high school. Our parents went away for the weekend and trusted him enough that they left me with him. I was just a brat of a freshman back then—”
“Some things don’t change, brat,” I interrupt, then quickly clear my throat, zipping my lips with my fingers. “Sorry.”
Bumping her shoulder into mine, she laughs despite herself. “Yeah, yeah. Anyway, as I was saying, I was a freshman. I told Nate the only way I wouldn’t tell our parents about his party was if he let me stay for it. He wasn’t happy, but what was he going to do?”
“I was thrilled. Here I was, a freshman, going to a party thrown by a senior. Didn’t matter that it was my brother, I had an in.” Her legs swing in the water, stirring it up. “I was curvier than most girls my age, and when I added a little makeup, put on a skimpy tank top and my cut off shorts, I looked a lot older than I was. No one would be able to guess that I was a freshman.”
Exhaling loudly, she leans back a little, the water she was agitating forgotten. “Except the people who already knew me. Of course they knew I was a freshman. Like Nate’s best friend.”
Up until this point I’ve been captivated by her, unable tolook away. Now, I peel my eyes from her, looking at the waterfall without really seeing it. This isn’t going to be a story that ends in rainbows and sunshine, and I know this is the turning point. From here on out, I’m not going to like a single word.
“After a drink or two, we somehow ended up in my bedroom. I was thrilled of course. A senior giving me this kind of attention? Wanting to see my room? I felt like the luckiest girl in the world. And when he kissed me, oh god, my universe lit up.” The laugh that falls from her lips doesn’t have a touch of humor in it. It’s bitter and I feel that to my core.
“Then he wanted more, and I didn’t know how to tell him I was uncomfortable. I didn’t know how to say no.”
When she shivers, she wraps her arms around herself and I reach out, wrapping my own around her back. Offering her not just my warmth, but my comfort. My strength. The release of tension in her body is immediate as she leans into me, resting her head on my shoulder.
“I don’t know how Nate knew, but he did. He burst into my room and tackled his best friend like he was a linebacker on the football team, not a receiver.” This time there’s a hint of humor in her laugh, but it doesn’t make me feel any better. “Then he just started hitting him. Over and over until some of his other friends came in and pulled him off.”
There’s a short pause before she quietly adds, “I don’t want to think what would have happened if they hadn’t stopped him.”
I’m pretty sure I know what would have happened, and it wouldn’t have been pretty. Not that I’d blame the guy. If I had a sister and walked in on that, I’m sure I would have had the same reaction at that age. Hell, how many times have I wanted to commit violence when it came to Jordan’s ex now? More times than I can count.
“The party ended then and after we got everyone out, Nate sat me down on the couch, and he cried at my knees.” She sits upright again, reaching up to swipe at her face, and it’s then that I realize there are a couple of tears running down her cheeks.
I fucking hate tears. Hate them with everything inside of me. There isn’t a tear I’ve ever liked because I have no idea what to do with them, or how to make them stop. Now is no different and I have to battle within myself not to squirm in my spot. Instead I squeeze her side, blowing out a breath.
“I’ve never seen him like that. Haven’t seen him like that since, either. He was a mess, and he just kept apologizing to me over and over again. Like he’d done something wrong!” she exclaims, shaking her head like she still can’t believe it. “I was the one that had done something wrong. I was the one that let it happen, and here he was apologizing to me.”
“You didn’t let anything happen—” I start, but she’s quick to cut me off.
“I know that now. Older, wiser me knows that it wasn’t my fault. It wasn’t either of our faults, though I don’t know if Nate realizes that to this day.” A frown tugs at her lips. “When he calmed down enough to actually talk, he couldn’t believe he’d let me get that close to a predator—couldn’t believe he hadn’t seen it—who had been someone he considered his best friend. He asked me to promise him that I would never go out, date, screw, or anything else with one of his friends. And I swore I wouldn’t. I made him a promise that day and I’ve kept it ever since.”
“Until last night,” I state, feeling the swirl of sickness in my gut.
“Yep.”
“Fuck.”
“Yep.”
