“Then why the fuck do you think it’s okay that just because you made me a promise ten years ago it doesn’t still fucking count today?” he yells, throwing his hands up just like she did.
“It—it—I—” she stammers, looking for words I know she won’t find.
“Nate, look, we made a mistake—”
“You’re damn fucking right you did!” Nate roars at me. “I’d love to say that I can’t believe you, but I fucking can. Congratulations, Liam! I hope you’re fucking happy, man. Santa Rosé’s biggest man-whore strikes again.”
“Nathan!” Jordan gasps.
I swallow the lump that’s grown in my throat, looking away from the two of them. There’s no talking to him right now. It’sfutile. Maybe this whole fucking thing is futile. Maybe trying to be with Jordan was a dumb idea. Maybe the real mistake wasn’t keeping it from Nate. Maybe it was thinking Jordan and I stood a chance.
Nate shakes his head, all but ignoring Jordan. “You don’t deserve her. She’s too good for you.”
Don’t I fucking know it.
Jordan tries again, her voice barely a whisper, and I know it’s taking everything to keep herself together. “Nate…”
“Nah,” he says, putting his hands up in surrender. I’m pretty sure it’s us who should be surrendering, though. “I’m done. I can’t with the two of you right now.”
Without another glance at either of us, he turns and walks out of the garage. I feel Jordan’s eyes on me, but I can’t look at her. My mind is spinning, and I need a second. Which she grants me as she takes off after Nate, leaving me alone in my workshop.
I scrub my hands over my face, releasing a frustrated sigh. This was not the way it was supposed to go. Things were supposed to be controlled, planned out. He wasn’t supposed to walk in on us getting frisky with each other. We were supposed to sit down, talk, explain. I expected him to be mad, but I didn’t expect this. This was next level, especially for Nate.
The thought of Jordan and I being together really upset him. I’ve seen my best friend angry, but this went beyond anything I’ve witnessed. Honestly, I didn’t know Nate had this level of anger in him. He’s usually the rational one. The calm one. That’s why he’s so good at being a lieutenant at the firehouse.
There were a couple of rational thoughts in his irate state, though. I don’t deserve Jordan. She is too good for me. Both things I’ve known this entire time. No one is ever going to be good enough for her.
I stupidly convinced myself that I could try to be the one man to live up to who she deserves. I’m a fucking fool. An idiot. How in the fuck can the man-whore of Santa Rosé possibly live up to being with a girl like Jordan? All I’m doing is setting her up for heartbreak in the end. There’s no way this will work out. There’s no way it’ll last. So what the fuck have I been doing this whole time?
Being selfish, just like Nate said. Getting your dick wet. Like you always fucking do.
And isn’t that what led us here in the first place? My fucking dick. I didn’t need to pull her out of that club the first night in Vegas. Or kiss her at the top of the Eiffel Tower. I sure as hell didn’t need to take her back to my hotel room and fuck the hell out of her. Or knock on her door the next night.
I didn’t fucking need to do any of it. But the fuck if my dick agrees.
And it’s led us to this moment. My fucking dick has led us to this moment in time where my best friend hates me, and the relationship between him and his sister balances precariously in the unknown. My dick walked us right into this second where I’m more aware than ever that I don’t deserve Jordan. I was a fool to think I could earn her.
What a fucking joke. It’s like all those years ago how I wondered if I’d been a better son, maybe I could have made my mom stay. Maybe she wouldn’t have left my dad. Maybe she would still be around.
Too many fucking maybes. Not enough certainties.
You know what was certain? My life as a bachelor.
Jordan walks back in the garage right then, and the level of clarity that sweeps through my mind fills me with a sense of calmness. It’s not too late. I know what I need to do before I cause anymore damage, and before either of us have any real feelings for each other.
This needs to end. Now.
Chapter 23
Jordan
Natewasinhistruck before I made it to the front yard. I don’t know what I planned on saying to him if I’d caught him, but I had to try. This wasn’t the way I wanted him to find out. If we’d been able to sit him down and tell him what happened, I’m sure it would have gone differently.
Oh god, I don’t know. It could have gone just as badly doing that, but I’d really like to think that if Liam and I’d had a chance to explain how we feel about each other, Nate would have taken it better. I’d bet he would have taken it a lot better if he hadn’t caught us in such a compromising position. A position that I wouldn’t doubt reminded him of what happened in high school.
My eyes close and I let out a sigh of defeat, wrapping my arms around myself as I stand in the front yard and take a deep breath. I want to cry, but I won’t. We can fix this. If we give Nate some time to simmer down, we can talk to him like we originally planned. It’ll be fine. Things will be fine. No one likes being caught off guard like that.
With a determined nod, I head back into the backyard. Tosha is at the gate to greet me, whimpering when I unlock it. I’m guessing she can feel my distress. I kneel to give her a quick scratch on the head which quickly turns into giving her a hug that I need more than she does. I met Tosha shortly after Liam got her, but in the past two weeks that I’ve spent a lot of time at his place, I’ve grownattached to her. The feeling is mutual by the looks of it.
