“Reporting for war, Lieutenant.” Standing at attention, she brings one hand up to her forehead, and salutes Nate. “Whatever I can do to help.”
“Quinn?” I question. “You do remember you’re the love-averse one, right?”
Putting her hands on her hips, she nods at me. “Yeah, but this side of Liam sucks. He’s so much better when he’s getting laid, and he’s even better since he started seeing the hellcat.”
It takes Nate all of two seconds to turn stark white, putting two and two together, his head swiveling from Quinn, to me, and back again. “Oh, for fuck’s sake,” he says, tossing his hands up as he jumps to his feet. “I don’t want to fucking know! I donotwant to know!”
Quinn grins at me before she raises both hands in front of her and curls them like she’s a cat with claws. “You already know, Nate. Rawr.”
Chapter 25
Liam
Asafirefighter,compartmentalizingis something I do on a daily basis. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t be able to function at my job. I wouldn’t be able to see the things I see and continue on, or face the dangers I face with the type of confidence I need to keep me, and my brothers and sisters, safe on a scene. I’m good at it. Hell, I might even excel at it.
But the fuck if I can compartmentalize anything when it comes to Jordan. The fuck if I’ve been able to stuff anything down or disassociate from it. She is everywhere. The air I breathe is full of her. From my house, to my favorite hangouts, to my dog. She’s on the back of my motorbike, and in the passenger seat of my car. She even managed to infiltrate my workshop that final day.
Fuck that day. Fuck Nate. Fuck the way he surprised us. Fuck the way he reacted, and what I did next. Fuck it all. And fuck the last week.
I drank myself into a stupor after Nate and Jordan left that day. It was the only way to make the ache in my chest go away. Not that it went away, I just numbed myself to it.
If this is what a relationship feels like, I’m glad I’ve never had one. Breathing has been difficult. Like someone has been sitting on my chest at all times. Day and night.
Fuck. The nights.
I thought the nights would be the easy part. Wrong. They’vebeen the worst. I toss and I turn, unable to get comfortable. Jordan haunts both my couch and my bed. One night I tried sleeping in the spare room, but even that didn’t work. She’s woven and wrapped through my very essence. I can feel her body pressed against mine every time I lay down, and yet she’s not there. Her warmth, her scent, her smile. It’s only my thoughts and my memories.
I’m miserable. I’m never fucking miserable. Sure, I have bad days just like everyone, but I’m the guy who makes a bad day good. There ain’t nothing good these days.
Actually, that’s untrue. There’s a silver lining in all of this. I now understand on a deeply personal level that relationships aren’t worth it. My dad had it right the entire time. Fuck relationships. Being a bachelor for the rest of my life was a solid plan, and it’s one I’m going back to.
As soon as I feel like I can.
How long is it supposed to be like this? How long does the weight stay pressing on my chest? How long does it take until I can take a full, deep breath? Does it ever get better? Does this ever go away? It has to. People around the world would never do relationships if the heartbreak after didn’t get better, right?
Not that I’m heartbroken. Fuck that. I’m lonely. I’m sad. My life has gone up in flames. Hah. Pun intended. You’d think being a firefighter I should be able to put that shit out, but the fire is raging out of control. My best friend hates me. The girl I really liked to fuck is gone. The rest of my crew? They’re walking on eggshells and seem to avoid me as much as possible. Then again, I’ve been kind of a dick. And fuck, the amount of dinners I’ve had to cook myself this week has to be at a record high since I’m not spending my evenings at Nate’s bar.
A slap to my bicep has me jolting in my chair. It pulls me outof my thoughts, and I find Luke staring at me, his lips forming a thin line across his freshly shaven face.
“The fuck you do to get out of station chores?” he grumbles at me in a low voice.
Nate’s at the front of the room swiping around on the tablet he brings in for every morning meeting filled with notes and assignments. I scratch the back of my head with a wince. Nothing he said was retained in my brain which isn’t going to do me any favors. Judging by Luke’s question, Nate handed out our first assignments around the house, which means he’s also gone over any new protocols, safety checks, and memos from above.
I don’t even remember him walking in the room.
Fuck.
“Wait, what do you mean?” I suddenly say as Luke gets up from his spot at the table we’re sharing. The thing is big enough that it’s two to a table. Unless it’s Brody. He generally sits at one all alone just for the space. “I got out of it?”
Luke chuffs. “He didn’t give you anything to do. Then again, you wouldn’t have heard it. You’re a million miles away.”
A hand hits the back of my shoulder. Quinn is at my side, glowering at me. “How the hell did I get bathroom duty, and you got nothing? This is bullshit.”
“Yeah, I have the kitchen and fridge duty, and you get to what? Lay around and do nothing all day?” Hailey speaks up from the other side of Luke, a deep frown creasing her forehead.
I find Brody sitting on the edge of the desk he was sitting at behind me, his arms folded across his chest. His brown eyes are dark with disapproval. He doesn’t need to voice it like the others.
None of them are happy with me, yet I didn’t do anything. This is Nate’s fault. He’s the one that didn’t give me anything to do.
