“Yes, I know that.” She brushed her hair back from her forehead. “Adrienne overheard me talking with Bernard about the review and how I wished with all my heart it would loosen Auguste’s power over me after what had happened. She was a troubled sixteen-year-old and was through being pacified with my vague allusions to her father. You know how the French are about such things. You do not speak of them.”
Madison reached across the table and grabbed Nanine’s hand, knowing what was coming. “Adrienne went to Auguste.”
“To confront him about being her father, yes.” Nanine looked off. “On Christmas Day. Words cannot describe what a catastrophe it was. She embarrassed Auguste with the accusation in front of his wife and family, his parents and his three children. He came to see me in a rage. He thought I had put Adrienne up to confronting him, since I had come to him as a young pregnant woman. He swore he would ruin me and Nanine’s for such accusations, well past the time he was dead and buried.”
She nodded. Because you don’t embarrass powerful men. She knew that from her neighborhood very well. Respect or cred was everything, and people used extreme measures to enforce it. Who knew the French culinary world would have so much in common with Miami gangs? “But he didn’t ruin you.”
“In some ways, he did.” She caressed the long line of her throat, looking almost battered by time. “Adrienne hated meeven more after that day. She couldn’t accept the father of her illusions didn’t want her. In her mind, it was my doing. Alas, her troubles increased, and I could not get through to her anymore.”
Adrienne and her husband had done their best to ruin Nanine’s this past summer. Hearing the story gave Madison new insight, but she wondered if Adrienne wasn’t a bad seed like her father. “Nanine’s remained, though.”
“Yes.” She tightened her grip and met her gaze, sadness in her eyes. “You know how much I love the restaurant… And I’m stubborn. I was going to cook until they dragged me out of Nanine’s. Bernard decided that dramatic talk was too much, so he bought this building to be sure Auguste could not force us out somehow.”
Now the unusual purchase of the entire building made sense. “Smart move of Bernard.”
“Yes, but I don’t believe a top-level critic ever entered the restaurant. Auguste delivered on his promise. The blackballing was complete during my time, and I fear he is doubling down on his promise despite you taking over as head chef. I had hoped the transition would be enough to ease his rage.”
No, when someone had this kind of vendetta, there was no hope. That damn suitcase of emotions Madison had packed popped open, spilling out the contents of her heart. All her rage and disappointment and hurt lay scattered on the floorboards of her ribs, her pulse pounding in response. “It’s not right,” she bit out. “It wasn’t then, and it isn’t now.”
Nanine’s soft smile was soul-crushing. “No, it isn’t. However, this time, you and the rest of the staff are being affected. You most of all. I had hoped to fight it this time, but Louis fears there is no way to change what Auguste has done.”
Madison swallowed thickly. That sealed it.
“Auguste holds great power as aMOF. I fear your associationwith me puts you in jeopardy anywhere he can reach you, and that’s here in Paris. If you cannot win here, I fear you must consider going somewhere else, where you can.”
“Nanine—”
“Non.”She leaned closer and cupped her cheek. “These are hard choices, but I say them out of complete love for you. I will not have you settle and stay here for me out of duty. You are one of the most loyal people I know.”
The pain was worse than burning oneself badly on a stove.
“My beloved Fifth Course, winning a star is your dream.” Nanine’s pained expression had Madison biting her lip to keep control of herself. “It has always been so.”
“Stop this?—”
“I will not—William Silver has decreed you are Michelin-worthy, and this truth must be realized.” Nanine’s gaze was almost a glare. “I could not live with myself if you pay for my sins. Madison, please… I know you wished to resurrect Nanine’s for me, and you have! Now, you must consider other plans. Because I do not believe anything Kyle attempts will avert this dark outcome.”
Pierre gave a piercing cry. Madison gathered him up, hugging him to her chest. He was upset again. She could deal with her own dark emotions—she’d faced them down for years—but how could she bear other people’s hurt? Seeing Kyle fight against something that could not be changed was killing her. He had circles under his eyes every morning, bearing the toll of an unwinnable battle.
“What if I tell you that I love working here—in the place you fashioned?—”
“And tell me you can live with not winning?” Nanine’s smile was heartbreaking. “I know you would do that for me. You love me as I love you. Like I said, you are loyal, but this is not about loyalty, Fifth Course. It’s about love. I want you to leave and win elsewhere because I love you. Madison, Iwill be overjoyed for you. Do you not understand? Success and happiness are all a mother ever wishes for her child. I know that truth even more because I failed so miserably with Adrienne.”
Her eyes stung. God, she was going to lose it completely in front of the only woman she’d ever thought of as her mother. “It’s because I love you that I would stay,” she whispered hoarsely.
“I know.” She laid her hand over Madison’s once again. “But it would hurt my heart to see you squander your dreams and your life by staying here, and I am not the only one.”
Meaning her roommates…
She sucked in a breath. “That’s below the belt, even for you, and I’m not sure Kyle would agree,” Madison continued, pulse pounding. “He wants to fight.”
“And we let him because we love him and because he needs to.” Nanine looked pale now as she let go of Madison’s hand and drank her noisette. “A man such as Kyle needs to fight for the people he loves when he cannot rely on his intelligence and charm to succeed.”
Madison took a sip of her coffee, remembering what Kyle had said about feeling powerless. What kind of hurt would he experience when he realized he could not win this time? “I don’t know what to do for him. I know he needs to take a stand, but he’s exhausting himself. Is it worth fighting when you can’t win? Sometimes I wish people could go back to brawling in the streets to work problems out. It’s more straightforward and honest than this backroom dirty pool.”
“Indeed, but this is often the way it is done for men with no honor,” Nanine said sadly. “As women, we must focus on our own hearts and follow its dictates, even though I realize Kyle shares a portion of your heart now as well. You will promise that you will consider what I have said? About leaving so you can win the star you deserve elsewhere.”
Shaking her head, Madison clutched Pierre too tightly,making him squawk. “I can’t. Not without talking to Kyle. I don’t even know where I’d go, anyway. Paris is my home now. You and the rest of our family are here. I’m with Kyle. We have a dog, Nanine.A home…”
