CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
Ben didn’t knowhis heart could break like this.
As he listened to his son’s inconsolable cries, he could only stare straight ahead and run a comforting hand up and down his little, trembling back. This was all his fault.
His son had learned the ugly truth about his birth—way before Ben had wanted. If it had been up to him, he’d have willed this day to never come. But it was here. Because Hannah was back. Talk was up in town, and Paisley must have overheard it. Now his son was suffering in a way he never should have. He should be the one suffering, not his boy.
How had Hannah known? Then he spied the horseshoe in the window. So Cooper had sent up their version of the bat signal.
When he’d seen Cooper moping around some time back, especially missing his mother, he’d told his son to give his father a sign by putting the horseshoe in his window. Hannah had made him promise to do the same when they were kids after his own mother had left. Having her visit him when he was upset had lessened the pain and confusion he’d felt. He’d thought to help his son the same way, and it had worked.Striding around the ranch yard, Ben had been able to see it—or someone else would and tell him—and know his son needed him.
Except Hannah had seen it today and comforted his son, bless her sweet heart.
He finally lay back and pulled Cooper on his chest, letting him cry it out as Tank made his own mournful sounds beside them. Will had been a crier when they’d been young. Reba said he was like a pot that boiled over, and you just had to let him.
Still, every tear, every tremble from Cooper’s little body, every little heaving breath after a painful wail took a piece out of him. He’d rather be horsewhipped than listen to his own child cry, knowing there was nothing he could do to undo what had been done.
Now he had to put his son back together the best he could.
God, give me strength.
When his son finally started winding down, Ben could tell the episode had worn him out. He was lying weakly on Ben’s chest, sniffling. Ben’s shirt was a mess, but he didn’t care. All that mattered was his boy.
Cooper finally lifted his head up, his little face hot and wet with tears, and wiped his runny nose with his shirt. “P-Papa?—”
Ben had to clench his teeth to fight back his own emotions. “Yeah, son?”
“P-Paisley told me things,” he stuttered out. “B-bad things.”
He cupped the back of Cooper’s head and looked into his bloodshot blue eyes, praying to say the right thing with all his being. “Why don’t you tell me what she said, and then I can tell you what you need to know?”
The little boy managed to get the whole story out with more tears. Paisley had overheard her mother talking, and because she was loyal to Cooper, Paisley had wanted him toknow what people were saying about him. Ben wished he could see it that way.
Except Ben almost smiled when Cooper shared that Paisley had said she didn’t believe for a moment that Cooper was a mistake. Babies were never mistakes. They were blessings. That was what people always said. She didn’t understand how anyone could say that about Cooper. By the end, all Ben could think was, God bless that little girl.
Cooper gripped Ben’s shirt, his head ducked down, wiping more tears. “Paisley said e-everyone in town knew M-Mama was t-troubled. I was too much for h-her. Which-which is w-why you have me and n-not her.”
Ben started shaking his head. Screw those people, and to hell with Wanda and her gossip.
“Cooper, look at me, son.” He cupped his head and searched his tormented eyes. “You are the biggest blessing of my life, and not just to me. Your uncle Will and your two grandpas and Gramps and Grams feel the same. Then there’s Reba and Charlie and a whole bunch of other people on the ranch and in town that I could name. Cooper, you’re so special, naming everyone would take all night.”
He sniffed and wiped at his eyes this time, cuddling closer. “H-Hannah said you told her I was the greatest m-miracle of your life and that you l-love me so much.”
Ben thanked God Hannah was the kind of woman she was. That she could be here for his boy when he needed someone… It moved him. Oh, how it moved him. “She’s right. I love you so much sometimes my chest feels like it’s going to burst open. Like a dam overflowing with snowmelt.”
Cooper leaned in, and Ben tucked him against his chest. “Paisley said you t-turned to Mama because you were m-mad Hannah left. That you made a big m-mistake. Me.”
Ben took him by the shoulders, panic filling his belly. He had to make Cooper understand. Today. This kind of hurt could break a kid. Hadn’t he blamed himself for his motherleaving? He’d carried that hurt into adulthood, accusing Hannah of being cut from the same cloth when she left.
“Son, Paisley’s right about your mama being troubled. That wasmymistake, that I didn’t see, but you are definitely not a mistake. You hear me? That’s the craziest thing ever.”
His son stared down in his lap, sniffing. His continued pain burned into him like acid.
“Cooper, nothing is more important than you—not this house or my favorite horses or my new truck. That’s how much I love you. Doesthatsound like a mistake? Please don’t listen to their nasty words. They’re acting like mean kids at school when they call you names. You remember what we say about that, right?”
Cooper gave a little headshake. “Some folks just don't mix well with others, so we give them a wide berth.”
“That’s right,” he reiterated, kissing the top of his son’s head, “and when they hurt your feelings, you come and tell me.”
