But the longer he lay there, the harder it became to ignore the truth clawing its way up my throat.
“I’m not ready, buddy.”
Whisper didn’t so much as flick an ear, the wind tugging at his silvered fur.
“Don’t even think about it.” I went to him. “If you go, who am I supposed to protect, huh? You have to stay. That was the deal. You look after me and I look after you, remember?”
He never even looked in my direction.
My chest tightened so much breathing hurt. “You’re just asmuch as a stubborn bastard as he was.”
His golden eyes finally slid toward me. Calm and accepting, almost impatient to get it over with.
For the first time since losing Rook and Lucien, true terror filled me because...I couldn’t fight this. I couldn’t shoot or stop it, and I definitely couldn’t protect him from it.
All I could do was guard my oldest friend and watch him leave.
Fuck...I-I wasn’t ready.
I wasn’t ready to say goodbye...
But I also couldn’t deny the big beast had grown quiet these past few months. He barely ate. He slept a lot. And if he wasn’t sleeping, he stared at the horizon as if waiting for his master to fetch him.
Tears stung my eyes.
I’d only ever cried once in my life, and it had been right here...
Going to him, I groaned as my achy body warned me that sitting on solid ice was not a good idea. I might never get back up again, but...I had a feeling that was the point.
Settling into the most comfortable position I could, I rested a hand on my friend’s silver-threaded fur. “You tired, you stupid beast?”
He grunted softly.
“Yeah, me too.”
He whimpered under his breath as we stared at the glacier and sat in the dark. Neither of us moved for ages, letting the cold seep into us and exhaustion settle like an eternal blanket.
As the sky slowly lightened and the stars fought with the dawn, he turned to me and licked the only sliver of skin showing between my cuff and glove. His sandpaper tongue was warm and affectionate, and the tears I’d been battling ever since he’d lain down overflowed.
Fuck.
“I’ll miss you, buddy.” My voice hitched. “I’m really going to fucking miss you.”
A growl grumbled in his chest as he licked me one last time and rested his head back on his paws.
I never stopped petting him.
I petted him as he took his final breath.
I petted him as his body went lax beside mine.
I petted him as the ice leached out his heat and left me allalone.
And the thought of leaving him here. Of returning to my lonely home without him...I couldn’t do it.
I’d lived a good life.
I’d had over eighty years being financially free and doing whatever the hell I wanted. But now my best friend was gone and...there was nothing left here for me anymore.
