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She gave him a faint smile, and he knew she remembered him calling her that when they’d met in New York. His Snow Queen. For she would, God willing, be his still.
‘Where are we eating?’ she asked as she glanced around the empty, darkened villa.
‘Somewhere private. I made arrangements earlier. It’s only a short walk away. Do you have a wrap?’
She held up a scrap of spangled silk and Antonios took her arm in his.
Outside, the night was dark, the air crisp, the sky scattered with stars like a thousand diamond pinpoints in a cloth of black velvet. Lindsay took a deep breath.
‘I love the smell of the air here,’ she said. ‘So fresh and clean. It smells like pine.’
‘From the trees on the mountains,’ Antonios told her. ‘The villagers used to harvest the pine resin.’
‘The resin? For what?’
‘Well, it’s edible,’ Antonios told her, ‘but I wouldn’t advise eating all that much of it. Mainly it was used to make pitch and other adhesives.’
She slid him a smiling glance. ‘And you didn’t think about going into the resin business?’
‘I’m not sure pine resin has all that much value these days, with all the chemical adhesives available now.’
‘Did you always want to take up the family business?’ Lindsay asked after a moment, and Antonios tensed.
‘It was never a question of want.’
‘You mean your father expected you to?’
‘Of course. He built an empire. He wanted to hand it down to his sons.’ And he hated talking about this, about the lies that he knew he’d get tangled up in.
‘So you’ve always worked for Marakaios Enterprises?’
‘I worked for an investment management company in Athens briefly, when I was younger. My father wanted me to have some other experience.’ That, at least, had been what Evangelos had told him. The truth had been he’d wanted him out of the way.
‘And did you enjoy that? The investment management?’
‘Yes, I did,’ Antonios said, and heard the note of surprise in his voice. He’d never really thought about the work he’d done in Athens, only the hurt he’d felt about being sent away. But the truth was he’d enjoyed it very much. Enjoyed the analysis coupled with risk-taking, and the freedom of not having another man’s burden on his shoulders.
‘What about you?’ he asked. ‘Your father was a mathematician. You taught at the same university he did. Did you ever think about doing something else?’
‘No. Never,’ she answered. ‘Mathematics has always been my passion, and I’ve never been very good at starting somewhere new.’ She swallowed and looked away and it occurred to him afresh how difficult it must have been for her to come to Greece, an entirely new place, with him.
And he hadn’t made it one iota easier for her. But he would this time. He’d make sure of it.
‘Here we are,’ he said and, taking her elbow, he guided her into the extensive walled gardens of the estate. They walked in silence along several twisting paths, the gravel crunching under their feet, until they came to a private little garden surrounded by stone walls climbing with bougainvillea, a fountain in its centre, the water gleaming under the moonlight.
Lindsay stopped as she took in the preparations Antonios had made: the table set for two with fine china and linen, candlelight flickering over the silver chafing dishes. A bottle of champagne was waiting on ice in a silver bucket and a recording of a double concerto for violin and cello was playing softly in the background.
‘Brahms’ Concerto in A Minor,’ Lindsay said softly. Remembrance suffused her face; they’d seen the New York Philharmonic play this at Carnegie Hall in New York, after Lindsay had told him it was one of her favourite pieces of music. ‘The musical A-E-F is a permutation of F-A-E,’ she’d explained to him, amusing him with her mathematical way of looking at everything. ‘It stands for his personal motto: Frei aber einsam.’ Her mouth had twisted as she’d translated, ‘Free but lonely.’
Now he understood how those words must have resonated with her. And with him, too, he thought now—working so hard to save Marakaios Enterprises, hiding the truth from everyone. Until he’d met Lindsay and felt his soul start to soar.
And it would soar again. Both of theirs would. He could make it happen.
‘This is very thoughtful, Antonios,’ Lindsay said quietly. ‘And very romantic.’
‘That was my intention,’ he answered as he pulled out her chair. She sat down with a whisper of silk and he laid the napkin on her lap before sitting down opposite her.
Lindsay’s gaze was shadowed as she looked at him. ‘This is lovely, Antonios,’ she said. ‘So lovely, but...’
‘But why am I doing it?’ he filled in before she could say anything more.
She nibbled her lip, her eyes wide. ‘Yes.’
‘Because I want to,’ he answered her simply. He took a deep breath, meeting her gaze, knowing his heart was in his eyes. ‘Because I still love you, Lindsay, and I want you to stay in Greece.’ He smiled, or tried to, for her expression hadn’t changed. ‘I want us to stay married.’
CHAPTER EIGHT
[LINDSAY STARED AT ANTONIOS, saw sincerity blazing in his eyes as his words echoed through her. I want you to stay in Greece... I want us to stay married.
I want. I want.
And nothing about what she wanted. What she needed. What she’d felt, all those weeks in Greece. She took a deep breath, felt sorrow sweep through her; she was too tired and sad to be angry. She felt only disappointment at the realization that, as much as he was trying, Antonios still hadn’t changed. Still couldn’t see.
And yet she wanted him to. Wanted this to work, even though she knew it couldn’t. She couldn’t.
‘You’re speechless?’ Antonios said with a little laugh. ‘Say something, Lindsay.’
‘I don’t know what to say.’
‘Say you want that, too, then,’ Antonios answered. He was trying to speak lightly, but she could hear an edge entering his voice, signifying what? Irritation? Impatience? She wasn’t falling all over herself to say yes.
‘Oh, Antonios,’ she said finally. She shook her head, and his mouth tightened. ‘It’s not that simple.’
‘I think it seems quite simple. I love you. Do you love me?’ He tilted his chin a bit, as if bracing himself for a hit.
Lindsay stared at him miserably. ‘I don’t know,’ she said finally, but she knew it was a lie. She wouldn’t feel this terrible, this torn, if she didn’t love him. ‘I do love you, Antonios,’ she said, the words drawn from her reluctantly because she knew they would only make him insist all the more. ‘But it’s not enough.’
‘Of course it’s enough.’ Triumph blazed through his voice and Lindsay closed her eyes briefly.
Daphne’s words had been rattling around in her head all afternoon. To love and to be loved...is all anyone needs.
If only that were true. But she was all too afraid it wasn’t, at least not for them. Not for her.
‘I know what you’re thinking,’ Antonios said and Lindsay’s eyes flew open.
‘Do you?’ she asked.
‘You’re wondering how it will work, with your condition.’
She stilled, wondering just how he intended to fix this. Control it, because that was what Antonios did with everything.
‘A bit,’ she allowed.
‘I’ve thought about that,’ Antonios continued, leaning forward, the untouched meal before them momentarily forgotten. ‘We can make concessions, Lindsay.’
‘Concessions,’ she repeated, and knew she hated that word.
‘Adjustments,’ he amended. ‘We’ll curtail your appearances at public events. We can live separately from everyone else, in our own villa. We can even limit family engagements, although I hope in time you might come to accept—’
‘Stop, Antonios—’ she cut him off, unable to listen any more ‘—just stop.’
He sat back, confusion and irritation chasing across his features. ‘I thought you’d be pleased.’
‘That you’re willing to make so many concessions?’ she finished and his mouth tightened.
‘It’s just a word.’
‘No, it’s not.’ She shook her head, slumping back in her seat. ‘I don’t want you to make concessions, Antonios. I don’t want you to have to put up with me.’
‘I’m not putting up with you—’ he cut her off, his voice sharp ‘—I told you I loved you. I want this, Lindsay. I’m trying to be considerate.’
‘I know you are,’ Lindsay said. ‘But it’s not enough, Antonios. I’d only make you unhappy because I’m not what you want, not really.’
‘Maybe you should let me decide what I want.’
‘And you really want a wife who hides in the shadows, who can’t be by your side?’
‘In time—’ he began and she shook her head almost frantically.
‘No. No. I don’t want you to try to fix me, Antonios.’
‘You said yourself you’ve worked hard to control your anxiety. I just want to help you.’
Lindsay closed her eyes. ‘So I can fulfil a role I never even wanted or asked for.’ He was silent at that and she opened her eyes. ‘In any case, you’d only become frustrated and disappointed. Because I’d never be good enough.’
