It hung between them, the shared knowledge that soon their time together would come to an end.
“No,” she said. “I mean, yes. I mean…” She laughed. “I look forward to it.”
“As do I. Here…” Slowly, he moved his hand to her face.
Celestine’s eyes widened and her heart leapt through her throat. Her mind returned to that night on the balcony, and she braced herself for a kiss that she did not realize how much she wanted until it was upon her. Only, it never came.
His hand rested under her chin, and he used a single thumb to wipe away a tear that stained her cheek. His touch was gentle, and it sent a prickle through her body that she chest in her chest.
“Much better,” he said. “I will see you tomorrow?”
“I look forward to it,” she said without pause.
“As do I, Celestine.” His brow furrowed as if the statement confused him. He hesitated, she thought he was going to say something else, to change his mind or refuse her. Only then, a smile found his lips. “As do I.”
With that, Edward turned and left.
Celestine remained where she was. She should have been confused. She should have been frightened. But for some reason, she was not those things. Suddenly, the world seemed so clear to her, and she could not believe how foolish she had been.
Later that day, Celestine was finally able to see her sister. By then, the room had cleared so it was just her, Ariadne, and babyEmmet. Celestine sat in a chair by the bed, cradling her nephew, and her sister watched on.
“Mother told me what His Grace did for Emily,” Ariadne said. She sounded tired, and she looked just as much.
“Oh. It was nothing…”
“It did not sound like nothing.”
Celestine winced and before she could stop herself, she was pouring her heart out to her older sister. She was, perhaps, the only person in this world who Celestine could speak so freely to, and she’d had no idea how much she needed it.
“It is all a lie,” she ended in saying. “The engagement… our love…” She scoffed as she cradled Emmet. “I have lied to everyone, Ariadne. Myself included.”
Much to her surprise, Ariadne laughed.
“What?” Celestine demanded. “What is so funny?”
“You forget how well I know you, Celestine,” Ariadne said. “You like to pretend that you want to be alone, that you are happy to help others while your life and needs are left wanting. But that is not the case.”
“That is… I lied, Ariadne. That is what matters.”
“No,” her older sister said. “What matters, and why you are so upset, is because this so-called false engagement isn’t what you thought. It has become something different and you are terrified that you might be happy for a change.”
“I am happy,” she defended.
“Are you?” Her sister looked at her. “The lies aside, tell me true, how do you feel about His Grace? If it was real, would that be such a bad thing?”
Celestine did not answer right away.
She looked down at Emmet, her nephew, and she thought truly about her life and how she had ended up here. Once, she had wanted to love and marry and live a life of happiness with a husband who meant the world to her. Once, she had wanted her own family, for that was her dream.
But things had changed… her life had been torn apart… and since then, she had convinced herself that she did not want that which once brought her so much joy.
Looking at her nephew now, seeing her sister and the love she held for him, and thinking back to that last moment with Edward, Celestine knew without question that she had been lying to herself all this time. She did want those things. She had always wanted those things. And the only reason she had stopped trying was because of fear.
“I… I do not know,” she said without conviction.
“Yes, you do,” her sister said. “And once you admit that, Celestine, well…” She smiled warmly. “Maybe then you will be ready to admit how you truly feel about His Grace.”
Chapter Nine
