When the engagement first started, he’d had no doubt that its end would be a welcomed thing. He did not want to marry, and neither did Celestine. What was more, he had been certain that two people more different did not exist, and so the ending of their false courtship would be something they both raced toward.
As it turns out, I did not know Celestine nearly as well as I thought. Or myself, for that matter…
It was getting harder for him to justify what they had done. On the surface, it made perfect sense, but deep down in those places he refused to visit, a voice niggled in the back of his mind that he had made a horrible mistake.
Celestine was not who he thought. What was more, he was different when he was with her. He liked who he was. He liked what she made him. And now that he was alone again, he was terrified to return to what he had been before this whole thing began.
Did he really want to be alone forever? What had once sounded like a blissful state of being, and a future that was to be coveted, suddenly felt sad and sorrowful and not something to be sought.
“I am sorry, Millicent,” he said. “But it has happened, complaining will not change it, and as a woman –”
“Stop using that as an excuse!” she snapped as she turned and scowled. “This is not about me, Edward, but you. You…” She sniffed as her eyes turned watery. “You were happy with her, I know you were. Far happier than you were before you met.”
“No,” he said as his stomach twisted into knots. “I was not.”
“Liar,” she snarled before turning and storming from the room.
Edward sunk back into the cool waters of the bath. He tried his best to push away the doubt that consumed him. This was for the best… he had done the right thing… Celestine was better off…
They were excuses, weak ones, and they made little difference.
Worst of all, as Edward sat alone in that bathtub, as he fought against demons that were unrelenting and vicious, his mind turned back to that kiss.
It had been more than just a kiss. What it was, he knew, was an announcement of how he felt about Celestine. Putting aside the desire. Ignoring the attraction. That kiss was perhaps the first honest moment he’d shared with Celestine, and even he could not lie about what it meant.
I think… I think I have made a terrible mistake.
Worst of all, it was too late to do anything about it, and that became Edward’s new reality, one that was even colder and more uncomfortable than the cool waters of the bathtub.
Chapter Twelve
“Celestine, I have some exciting news!” Celestine’s mother swept into her bedroom. “Oh, what is this? You’re still in bed?”
Celestine groaned as she slowly opened her eyes. The room was dark, but not for long as her mother hurried towards the window and threw back the curtains.
“Argh!” Celestine threw a hand over her face to shield it from the onslaught of morning light. “Mother, what are you doing?”
“I should ask you the same question!” Her mother turned on her, hands on her hips. “You ought to have been out of bed an hour ago. Come now, no need to waste the day.”
“Waste it how?” Celestine rolled over. “It is not as if I have anything to do.”
“Now, that is not true.” Her mother was at her bed where she took the covers and threw them back.
“Mother!”
“Did you not hear me, Celestine? I have some exciting news!”
It had been this way all week. Ever since the news of Celestine and Edward’s broken engagement, her mother had been all over her like a bad cold. She knew the reason, of course, because it was the same reason that her two sisters were hardly able to leave her alone for even a second. Everywhere she went, everything she did, they were there.
I do not want to blame them or turn to anger… but I might have to soon.
They were worried about her, was why. In their mind, Celestine’s heart had been broken, and it was up to them to keep her busy and help turn her mind toward other things. Anything at all!
Never mind that Celestine had told them time and again that she felt perfectly fine. As she had calmly explained, Edward and she simply were not a good fit and the end of their engagement was a blessing. In fact, she wished him well, and she knew he did the same for her.
Of course, it might have helped if Celestine was able to act in any manner that suggested her words were even close to being true. Sadly, and as she should have expected, this last week had beenhard… worse than hard. It had been a travesty of such hardship that there was a good reason she was still in bed when she ought to have been awake.
Only once in her life before had Celestine felt this way, and that had been enough to see her turn into the ‘Mad Hargrave Sister,’ as she was known. It had been enough to see her change her ways, denounce love, and wish for a life of living alone because she never wanted to feel that way again.
