“Oh yes, silly me,” he said with a dark chuckle. “Whatever was I thinking? Clearly, all is well. Look how the sun shines for us.”
“Perhaps you are having second thoughts?” she responded. “Now that you are not drunk and angry.”
“I was not…” He clicked his tongue with frustration. “Are you? Having second thoughts, I mean.”
“Why would you say that?”
“It is a simple question.”
“One that you refuse to answer.”
She shrugged. “It was you who asked me to marry you. So, if you are having second thoughts, it is you who should voice them. Do not hold back because you do not want to hurt my feelings.”
Edward came to a stop, which saw Celestine walk ahead. She took several steps before noticing, at which point she turned back to find Edward glowering at her.
“What is going on, Celestine? Something is clearly wrong with you.”
“Nothing is wrong with –”
“Do not lie to me,” he cut over her sharply. She did not wince. Rather, her expression hardened. Edward softened his own, not wanting to fight or argue. “Since the moment I walked through the door, you have looked as if the world is ending. Worse, you have looked at me as if I am the cause.”
She started with a scowl, and he braced for her sharp response.
Then, that scowl shifted; the anger and the stubbornness in her eyes fading. What was left behind was a look of such abject worry, such sadness and confusion, that Edward wanted nothing more than to go to her.
“You are right,” she said, letting her shoulders fall. “I am… you are going to think that I am being silly.”
“Most likely,” he said with soft laughter. “But try me anyway.”
“I want to know, Edward…” She forced herself to look at him, that same expression of worry clear in her eyes. “Why did you ask me to marry you? The real reason. What changed?”
He blinked in surprise. “I told you the reason.”
“No,” she said. “What you told me was that you felt as if you had made a mistake, that you had lost something and wanted it back. Words that at the time seemed romantic…” She laughed bitterly. “But now, I wonder if they were something else.”
“What are you…”
“Do you want to marry me? Or do you just not want anyone else to?”
“Is that what you think?”
“Am I wrong?” she pleaded. “It wasn’t until you saw Lord Grundon dance with me that you realized your mistake. It was jealousy that did it, not desire, not… not a desire to be with me.”
“Do you really think I make decisions based on Lord Grundon?”
“You still have not answered me,” she said. “Today, you say that you want to marry me. I am not such a fool to think that you love me, nor will I ask you to say that you do. But what happens tomorrow? Next week? What happens when you wake up and realize that this was all one big mistake? Then what?”
“I…” Edward started, trying to find the words but unable to reach for them.
“I hardly know you at all,” she continued. “And what I do know tells me that marriage should be the last thing that you want. So, tell me, why? Why now? What changed? And how can I trust that it won’t change back?”
It all made perfect sense.
Despite Edward’s rejection of her premise, she had every right to feel that way. After all, he had rejected her. He had refusedto admit any feelings whatsoever. And he had only realized his mistakes when he saw her dancing with Lord Grundon.
I wish I could ease her fears. I really do. But it is not that simple…
Why did Edward want to marry Celestine? Everything that he knew about himself should have been enough to confirm that this was the worst idea he’d ever had. He did not do romance. He did not do love. He certainly did not do marriage!
