There was no response, just a shuffling as Millicent pulled her covers further over her head.
“You are upset.” Celestine approached the bed and sat down by Millicent’s side; her back faced Celestine, and her head was covered. “And angry. Which you have every right to be. In truth, I am a little angry myself.”
“Are you though?” Millicent said, her voice thick with tears. “Or are you just here to tell me that Edward did not mean what he did. To defend him.”
“What? No, of course not.”
“Don’t lie,” she hissed. “You… you pretend that you are on my side, Celestine. You want me to think that you are. But… but… but…” She sniffed further, her words choked.
“I am on your side,” Celestine said desperately. “Edward did the wrong thing, I will not say differently. He acted on emotion, and embarrassed both you and him. I will not defend him.”
“Then why are you here?”
Celestine’s heart broke. Since marrying Edward, her relationship with Millicent had grown in leaps and bounds. She was not the young girl’s mother, but she liked to think that her charge was to look over her as if she was. What was more, she had believed that Millicent felt the same.
She is just upset, Celestine. With Edward, not you.
“To check on you,” Celestine eased. Then, she rested a hand on Millicent’s shoulder. Millicent turned stiff and then pulled away. “To make sure that you are… that you are not utterly broken. Yesterday did not go well, but it is not the end of you.”
“It is!”
“No,” she said firmly. “People will forget. They will move on. Likely…” She chuckled to ease the tension. “Likely, Edward will be the one who receives the most scrutiny. Truly, I doubt anyone will blame you at all.”
“He is so… awful,” she sneered from beneath the covers. “And embarrassing. He tells me that he wants me to be courted, but then he makes it impossible for me. I don’t think he will ever… he likes that he controls me.”
“That is not true.”
“It is,” she cried, her voice thick. “He wants to own me so that I will be as miserable as he is.”
“He is not nearly so miserable as you think,” Celestine said. “Believe me…” Another soft chuckle. “All yesterday was, was a mistake.”
“It wasn’t!” Millicent sat up and turned around. Her eyes were bloodshot. Tears stained her cheeks. And the look she wore wasn’t one of sadness, but one of pure rage and hate. “It wasn’t a mistake! He did it on purpose.”
“Oh, that is not true.”
“You said you weren’t going to defend him,” she accused.
“I…” Celestine started. “I am not defending him.”
“You are,” she hissed. “You don’t really care about me. All you care about is… is…” Her glare was rueful. “About you! You don’t want anything to come between you two, so that you might be happy. You don’t care about me at all.”
“That is not true!” Celestine cried out, hurt by the accusation. “I care for you, Millicent. All week, Edward and I have done nothing but try and –”
“Again, you defend him! I thought that you were different. I thought… I thought…” Her chin wavered. “I thought you cared about me. That I could trust you.”
“You can trust me.” Celestine went to take Millicent’s hand, but she pulled it away. “Please, Millicent. I want to help you. And after I leave here, I will go and speak to Edward myself.”
“And say what?” she scoffed. “That he made a mistake…” She sneered the word. “That next time, he ought to do better. You just don’t understand, Celestine. I thought he could change. I thought he had changed. But he is the same as always. Miserable, and desperate that everyone around him be the same.”
With that, Millicent turned back and fell into bed, pulling the covers back to cover herself.
Celestine said nothing, but only because she had no idea what to say.
While she did not agree with the young girl’s accusations, she understood where they came from. She was hurting. She was embarrassed. And she needed someone to blame. What was more, she had every right to blame that someone.
But that she thought the same thing about Celestine? That hurt more than she could bear. Celestine had tried so hard. She had defended Edward every step of the way. She had committed herself to him fully, willing to believe that he was different and could change.
Was I wrong? Did I let my feelings for Edward blind me?
