“You don’t think I’m capable of doing anything right. That it doesn’t matter if I help because you’re going to swoop in and do it your way. It’s like you don’t think I’m capable of helping Mom or don’t trust me to show up if I say I’m going to show up.”
“Because therehavebeen times you didn’t show up,” I interjected. “If you say you’re going to be somewhere, especially with Mom, you better be there. I don’t want her to have to do this alone. I don’t want us to leave her waiting like all the times Dad did. He might’ve shown up for us, but he didn’t show up for her, and I don’t want her to go through that again.”
“I didn’t realize that.”
“You can’t just keep hurting people because you don’t have your shit figured out. Grow up and learn from your mistakes. Take accountability for what you’ve done, because I can’t keep doing this with you.”
“I know,” he said quietly, and I wondered if the gravity of everything was sinking in.
I wasn’t sure where my brother and I would go from here. It was hard to imagine trusting him after what had happened. I knew it would hurt our mom if Colin and I stopped talking, but if he didn’t get his shit together, there was no saving our already fractured relationship.
“And you have to tell Eliza. She deserves to know.” I wished I could be there for her when she found out, but I couldn’t help but think I’d likely be one of the last people she’d want to see.
“I’ve been trying to tell her.”
“Clearly, not hard enough.”
He nodded slowly. “Okay, yeah, I’ll tell her.”
“Soon.” I wanted her to know not because I hoped it would change something between us but because maybe it would allow her to heal whatever worries and stresses she was still holding on to.
His eyes flicked to me. “I’ll tell her soon.”
Right now, I didn’t think my brother’s word meant much, but it would have to do. It had to at least still meansomething.
40
ELIZA
Colin’s nameflashed on my phone, and my mind immediately went to Leo. That wasn’t anything new, though, because so much reminded me of him.
There was no escaping him or the hold he had on my heart—no matter how much I’d tried to deny it. After talking with my brother a few days ago, I decided to stop denying it and embrace all the emotions I was feeling, including…love.
I loved Leo. I didn’t know exactly when I’d fallen in love with him, because there were too many possible moments when things could’ve changed. And, honestly, things had been constantly changing. One thing I knew wouldn’t change, though, were my feelings for him. Mylovefor him. I also knew without a shadow of a doubt I’d never feel like this about someone again.
Colin had been trying to reach me for whatever reason over the last couple of months, and we’d been playing phone tag over the last few days. There was no avoiding my ex any longer.
I paused watering my plants to give my full attention to the call. “Hey, Colin,” I answered. Hopefully, this conversation would be quick. The sinking feeling in my stomach told me thatmaybe Colin wanted to get back together—which I’d easily and quickly turn down.
“Hey, Eliza. I, uh, I need to talk to you.” Colin’s voice was serious. More serious than I’d ever heard him.
My mind moved a million miles a minute, wondering if something had happened to Leo or Celine. “What’s wrong? Did something happen?”
“Nothing’s wrong,” Colin assured quickly. “And nothing happened. Everyone’s okay.”
I believed him…but I also didn’t, because his voice shook as he answered. Normally, Colin was confident and collected. Today, he sounded nervous.
Silence filled the line.
I pulled back the phone, ensuring our call was still connected. “Colin, you’re really freaking me out. What’s going on?”
“I don’t know how to say this, Eliza, but I need to tell you the truth. I should’ve told you a long time ago. Frankly, I should’ve never done this to begin with, but it’s…well, it’s too late now, but I want to make things right. Or, as right as they can be, all things considered.”
Blood pounded in my ears, and anxiety roared through me. “Okay…” I said, swallowing the lump in my throat. I walked to my couch and sat on the edge.
“I don’t want you to think that I didn’t care about you when we were together—I did—but I…I asked you out because Leo was interested in you. He saw you first and wasn’t going to go up, so I did. Because, for once, I wanted something he couldn’t have.”
My mouth opened, my throat drying up and realizing that thesomethingColin was talking about wasme.
