“It’s one of my specialties.” She then leaned in, quickly glancing over both shoulders to make sure no one was listening. You never knew when someone was. How else do you think the knitting ladies got all their gossip?
“Have you talked about the ki—” Lily stopped herself. Earlier this month, I’d told Lily and Jules—and Gabe, whohappened to be there—about the near-kiss between Leo and me three years ago. “Thethingthat almost happened but didn’t?”
Subtle. Again.
“We haven’t, and I don’t plan on bringing it up. Doubt that he does, either. We’re both moving on like things are normal, which they are.”
A little too normal, even. Things were easy and natural with Leo. They always had been. During the year I’d dated Colin, I’d seen Leo a handful of times, and we’d usually ended up lost in some conversation. When we talked, it felt like we’d known each other for years.
I hadn’t felt that with any man I’d been with. Granted, I hadn’t tried, but it wasn’t like I was trying with Leo, either.
It just happened. For one reason or another, we clicked.
“But don’t you want to know if he regrets not doing it? Or if he’s thought about it for the last three years? Or if now that he’s here things could be different?”
Of course, I’d thought about her questions. How could I not? But I’d meant what I said about not revisiting the past, even if in the moment I’d meant it about Colin. It was true about Leo, too.
Yes, something had almost happened between us, but it didn’t. I believed there was a reason that it didn’t happen. I also wasn’t looking for anything, so I wasn’t sure howdifferentthings could be between us. They were fine now.
“Lil,” I sighed. “This isn’t some romantic comedy. Leo came here for a job, and there’s no need to make things complicated when they don’t have to be. We’re friendly, and I think that’s a good place to be.”
“That feels safe. You’ve never played it safe.”
“Maybe that’s what I need right now.”
Lily shook her head, and I’d never seen her so determined. “No, what you need is someone who allows you to take risks but is a safe landing place.”
My chest pinched, as if my heart was pounding on the walls of my chest screaminglisten to her. I swallowed the lump in my throat. Maybe that sounded nice in theory, but I wasn’t going to find that.
I looked past Lily’s shoulder to see one of the servers carrying three plates and heading toward Gabe and Hal’s table. “I think your food just got delivered. You should go eat, Lil.”
“Eliza,” she said gently, her eyes softening. “I didn’t mean to push?—”
“I know,” I assured her, willing the ache in my chest to go away. “I, uh, I should get back to work.”
A frown tugged at the corner of Lily’s mouth. “Are you okay?”
Not wanting Lily to worry, I said, “Yeah, everything’s good. I’m just not looking for that.” I let out a sigh. “Don’t worry about me and go enjoy your dinner.”
“Okay.” She hesitated but ultimately took a step back from the bar. “Stop by the café on Monday?”
I nodded. I usually visited her Monday afternoons after I wrapped up yoga for the day. “You know it. I’ll see you then.”
My shoulders relaxed as Lily walked away. While she liked to talk things out immediately, I preferred to let things settle. I was glad she didn’t push further.
Lily had said things like that before and had asked me if I’d want to pursue a relationship over keeping things casual. None of this was new.
So, why was it so much harder to shake off this time?
Maybe because this time I hadn’t focused on how I’d feel if Ididfind that feeling with someone. Instead, I thought about the pain and the heartache that would come with losing it.
I didn’t want to go through that.
For once, Iwantedto play it safe. It didn’t seem worth the risk.
8
LEO
