“Why are people slipping off the table?” Adam asks.
“You know… from the pain-loving arousal,” I say with a smile.
“Hmm. I’ll leave my next sub untied and report back next week,” Adam says with a silly grin.
“Are you seriously interested in impact play, or do you just love pushing buttons?” Grayson asks.
“Both,” I say with a shrug. “I’m sorry I ran in here with a knife. That was odd behavior.”
“You were panicked,” he says. “I think things will get easier for you going forward. Once you are away from Greg, I’d like to revisit the idea of medication, though.”
“Will it help?”
“I think it will make a world of difference, especially combined with a more peaceful and less triggering environment,” he tells me.
“What if who I marry is as bad as Greg?”
“I know the nine other men in the ceremony today, and they are all wonderful men. The new leaders are doing a great job weeding out the shitty ones. Most of them are the older members,” Grayson says.
“So… I’m safe?” I ask.
“You are safe,” Grayson says with a sweet smile. I sigh and drop my head. He nudges my leg, and I look up at him. “I’m not going anywhere, Milly. I promise.”
“Okay,” I say simply.
“You don’t believe me?”
“No,” I say honestly. “I think…”
“What?”
“I think… It’s probably best that I find someone else to see for therapy,” I mumble as I look down at my hands.
“If you are going to say something like that, Milly, look at me when you say it, please.” I sigh heavily and look up at him. “Go on.”
“Why do I feel like you are taunting me?” I ask.
“Because I don’t think you actually want to find someone else,” he says.
“Of course I don’t, Grayson,” I snap at him. “You think I want to start over when I’ve already made so much progress? No, but I also don’t want to come in here three times a week just to see a fucking ring on your hand.”
“Why would that be upsetting?” Grayson asks coolly.
“Jesus fucking Christ,” I sigh heavily as I stand up. “You know, for being a doctor, you sure are fucking dense sometimes.”
“Have fun tonight, Milly,” Grayson says with amusement in his voice.
“Fuck you, Grayson,” I reply, picking up my bag.
“I’ll see you later tonight.”
“No, you won’t,” I say as I pull the door open.
“Milly,” Grayson says in a different tone, so I turn and look at him.
“What, Gray?”
“If you get overwhelmed, count to the beat of the vibrations in your head,” he tells me. “Tell them you are overwhelmed and you need a moment, and take time to calm yourself. Okay? No one will judge you for recentering your thoughts.”
