“Then why does Greg have to know? Is it not something we can just not put in notes?” I ask.
“Let me ask you this, Milly. Why are you interested in impact play with me?” Grayson asks. He’s still so close to me. The real answer is that I think I’m in love with him. What I do instead is turn bright red and look down to avoid his gaze. “Aht. No, ma’am. You opened this door. Talk to me.”
“No,” I laugh nervously. “You’ll throw me off on someone else, and I’ll have to start over.”
“I’m not throwing you off on anyone. Talk to me,” he says. “Come on, Milly.”
“I… It would just be cool to see you as a submissive,” I say with an innocent smile. I giggle when he scowls at me. “I’m just intrigued by the idea of you beating me up.”
“I wouldn’t beat you up,” he laughs. “It requires immense trust.”
“I trust you,” I say with a shrug.
“You trust me enough to tie you to a table mostly naked, hit you with various tools intending to cause pain, all while you will undoubtedly become aroused?”
“Is that why I’d be tied to a table?” I ask. He raises an eyebrow at me in confusion. “You know… so I don’t slip off from all that arousal.”
“You never cease to entertain me, Milly,” he laughs. “Let’s get through the EMDR therapy first, and then we can discuss that.”
“So… what happens when I do get married off?”
“Well, the test is designed to pair you with your perfect match. You will be compatible or nearly compatible on every level. Emotionally, physically, and sexually. So, this person should want the best for you. When you are paired, I think it’s important that they meet me. They will only find out what you permit me to say, but I think having that open line of communication from the beginning is very important. Especially because you do have triggers and are not always able to bring yourself down when you get triggered.”
“What if he doesn’t let me see you anymore?” I ask quietly.
“I’ll make sure we can continue to have our meetings,” he says simply, but his tone leaves no room for debate.
“I just hope Greg lets me see Molly,” I say with a sigh.
“I’d like to do the EMDR therapy on Friday,” he says.
“How does this work?” I ask.
“I’ll have you lie down with your eyes closed. The lights will be down low. I’ll have you hold buttons in your hands and walk me through the night your father killed himself. When you get overwhelmed, I’ll have you press the buttons. The controller will vibrate, and I’ll have you continue to walk me through it. Youdon’t have to go into great detail. We can start small and go deeper each time we try it.”
“Uh… I’ll try,” I say. “What if I can’t?”
“Just try your best,” he tells me. “I’d like for you to do some journaling in the document.”
Grayson and I have a password-protected document that I write in. I can write it to whoever I want. Sometimes it’s to him, me, Dad, Greg, but mostly Molly.
“Okay,” I say. “I think Greg and Mom have some dinner to go to anyway. I can do it tonight.”
“You have my personal number, Milly. I don’t care what time it is; if you need me, call me. Text me. Do anything other than cut. Okay?”
“I get overwhelmed being alone,” I admit.
“Well, if I need to drive out and meet you, I will. All you have to do is reach out for help, and you’ll find that I’ve been here the whole time,” he tells me.
I’m quiet for a minute, wondering what I might interrupt. He can’t possibly be single. “Are you married?” I ask.
“I am not. Why?” he asks.
“Girlfriend? Fuck buddy?”
“No,” he laughs. “Why, Milly?”
“If I call and need you, I don’t want to take you away from anyone,” I say. “If you are also alone, maybe you could use the company too.”
