“Come on in,” he says and steps aside.
And since I have nowhere else to go right now, I follow him inside. The church is small, but every time I walk into this place, this calmness settles over me. As if some of my weights are being lifted.
Ahead, on the altar, is a cross with broken chains just beneath it. Pastor Reeves told me they signify the breaking of our chains when we turn to Jesus. Our sin falling away as we are washed clean by Him.
He takes a seat on a back pew, so I sit beside him.
“Sorry, Pastor, I don’t even know how I got here. I just started walking, and—what time is it?”
He checks his watch. “Six forty-five.”
So I walked for just over half an hour. How did that happen?
Outside, thunder booms. When did the storm start?
“I heard what happened. I’m so glad that Linda is going to be fine, but I have been praying constantly for both Officer Shultz and Anastasia’s safe return.”
“I should have seen it.” I clench both hands into fists and lean down, disgusted and furious at myself. I let him close to her. Eight months they were together.
Did he kill Violet, too? Or was that just a plant to throw us off the trail? What about those other women? How much of what he said was true?
Was he confessing to murders he committed? Or just trying to throw us off?
Or is Ryan the true murderer, and Jack simply wanted to get back at Anastasia?
“What happened is not your fault, Sawyer.”
“How is it not? Jack Weathers took her, Pastor. He waltzed right into our lives and stole her. We never even saw the blow coming. It’s my job to see things coming. It’s my job to know who—” I trail off, choking on the words. Intelligence gathering is my job. But I’d been so blinded by my own jealousy of him that I failed to look at things objectively.
“None of this is your fault, Sawyer,” he says again.
“I wanted to kill that man last night. I would have if they hadn’t pulled me off of him. And the whole time, Jack was the one I should have put down. He was right there beside me, talking me down.”
“Then you would have been killing a man for no reason other than you didn’t trust him.”
“Look at what he’s done!”
“Yes. I see what he has done now, Sawyer. But saying you should have put him down before edges into a dangerous way of thinking. Killing in cold blood is not the same as putting a stop to violence to save innocent lives.”
“Anastasia is out there somewhere. All alone.”
“She’s not alone,” he says softly.
“Then why hasn’t God saved her? Why hasn’t He delivered her from this? Why did He let her get shot?”
Pastor Reeves pats me on the shoulder. “‘Here on earth, you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart because I have overcome the world.’ John 16:33. We cannot even begin to understand why bad things happen. But we can take heart in knowing that we are not going through them alone. Anastasia is in danger, but God is there with her. And should the worst happen, He will open His arms and embrace her into the peace that comes after this life.”
Tears threaten, and my throat constricts. “And that’s supposed to bring me comfort?”
“Yes,” he says. “Having faith isn’t just turning to God in the good times. It’s trusting in Him to ride out the storm with you. It’s trusting He will tell the waters to be still.”
Be still and know. “What did you say?”
“Be still,” he replies.
“I heard something when I was walking.”
“What?”
