“I’m sorry.”
“Yeah, me, too.” She rips her arm from my grasp and storms down the steps, not sparing me another glance as she gets into her car and drives away.
Her pain breaks me.
Standing here on her porch, watching her drive away, I can’t help but wonder if they were all right to look at me. Did I do this? I’d meant to keep my distance so I wasn’t in the way. But by doing so, did I somehow damage what she had with him?
Is that why she looked at me?
Chapter 4
Anastasia
The pain in my chest is a dull ache I’ve known was coming. And yet, I let it take Jack down, too. The image of his face, broken and mortified as he stood there in front of my family and friends, has haunted me as I’ve driven around town for the last two hours, looking for him.
He didn’t go back to my apartment like I thought he would. He wasn’t at the marina or the pier.
So as I pull into my parking spot and my lights shine on him sitting on the steps leading inside, I’m surprised and relieved at the same time. Even if the pit in my stomach expands at the sight of him.
I put my car in Park and turn off the engine, then sit for just a minute, trying to gather my thoughts. How do I explain my hesitation? How do I tell him without breaking his heart? Why did I let it go this far?
Reaching into my cupholder, I retrieve the ring box I’d swung by and grabbed from my mom. Thankfully, everyone had left for the night, so there wasn’t much need to explain anything.
Just a hug from my momma and her assurances that everything would be okay. Unfortunately, I’m not entirely sure how they will be. Nothing ever feels like it’ll be normal again. Sawyer coming out on the porch just proved that. He tossed me to the side, then came rushing in like a superhero the moment I lost everything.
Where was he in the middle? When I needed someone to talk to? Would I feel differently about Jack if I’d still had my friend? Would I have said yes?
I shove those thoughts aside. They’re selfish. None of this is Sawyer’s fault—it’s mine. Because I knew I didn’t feel for Jack what he clearly felt for me, and still, I let our relationship continue.
Lord, please grant me strength not to hurt him any more than I already have.
Grabbing the box and my purse, I climb out and make the short walk up to the steps. He doesn’t speak, doesn’t look at me as I take a seat on the steps beside him. For a long while, we just sit in the quiet.
Until I can’t take it anymore. “I’m sorry, Jack. For what it’s worth, I really am.”
Jack nods but doesn’t say anything. He toys with his hands, the muscles of his strong jaw taut. I can feel the heartbreak coming off him, and it’s a kick to my gut because it’s one hundred percent my fault.
My eyes fill.
“Was it ever headed that way?” he asks.
“I like to think so,” I say. “Jack, you’re a wonderful man.”
“Just not wonderful enough to spend a lifetime with. It’s funny, really. Everything I ever want is always just out of reach.”
I look down at the ground and take a deep breath, trying to find the words when I honestly don’t even know what they are.
“Will you tell your mom I’m sorry that I just barged out like that?” he asks.
I nod, unable to form even a single sound past the lump in my throat. A tear slips down my cheek.
Jack shakes his head, takes a deep breath, and looks back over the darkness. “Wow, this one hurt.”
“Jack, I?—”
“I really can’t stomach another apology, Anastasia. So, as much as I appreciate you trying to soften the blow, please just stop.”
“Can’t we just slow down? I told you I didn’t want to rush.”
