I can still see him, sitting there and smiling at me whenever I’d glance his way. He always had a crossword puzzle with him, which was hilarious to me, given his love for computers. He’d spend all afternoon sitting there, just hanging out.
Ugh, I miss him. And I hate that I do.
“You okay?” Katelyn questions, her gaze narrowing on my face.
I hop up to sit on the back countertop where I keep the coffee syrups. “I ran into Sawyer today.”
She is one of only two people I’m willing to talk to about it. My brother’s wife, Tessa, is the other one. And still, I keep a good portion of the pain to myself because, what am I supposed to say?
That I have feelings for another man despite being in a serious relationship with a perfectly kind one? Jack is great. He’s sweet, attentive, and he didn’t wait six years to tell me that I should have seen the way he looked at me.
Ugh. Men. What was I supposed to do? Read Sawyer’s mind?
“He still being weird?” she asks, leaning back across from me and crossing her arms.
“I think it’s just the new normal. I mean, it’s been six months, Katelyn. If things were going to get better, they would have.”
“Has he brought up that night at all?”
“Oh, you mean the one where I confronted him and a car nearly ran me over? No.” I shake my head. It took me days to shake the memory off after that. I’d had three nights of solid nightmares before I finally managed to work myself into exhaustion so that I passed out and slept dreamlessly.
“I mean the one where he saved your life,” she counters.
He’d followed me outside and pulled me away from a speeding car when my tear-filled eyes had impeded my ability to actually see where the edge of the road was. I can still feel the hardness of his chest as I lay on top of him, trying to catch my breath.
I can still feel the way he’d run his hands over my arms, trying to ground me back in the moment. My heart flutters. Pull it together, Anastasia. A lot has happened since then.
“Of course not. Because he’s Sawyer and doesn’t believe in confronting anything. He makes jokes, sarcastic comments, and googly eyes at every woman with a pulse.”
“Googly eyes?” She snorts.
“You know what I mean. Anyway, it’s fine. I’m over it.” My thoughts drift back to before, when he was still showing up, and I’d made fun of him for using that exact term to describe the way Garrison looked at Katelyn.
Ugh, how it hurts.
“Are you, though?” she presses.
“No,” I admit. “It’s just—I miss my friend, Katelyn. Sawyer was always there, and now?—”
“He’s not,” she finishes.
“He’s not,” I repeat, then let out a breath. “Ugh, I’m annoying myself with this. I have Jack now, and things are good with him.” But I don’t even convince myself. It’s not that they’re not. It’s just…there’s something missing, and I can’t quite put my finger on it.
Probably my fault. I’m hung up on a man who has always been just out of reach.
“Is he still coming into town this weekend?”
“He should be here by dinnertime. We’re going to dinner at Mom’s.” I hesitate a moment, then add, “He’s staying the weekend in my guest room.” When Katelyn eyes me with a half-smile, I shake my head. “The hotels are all booked, and I wanted to see him. No funny business. You and Garrison shared an apartment.”
She touches her slightly swollen stomach. “And now look where we are. Married and expecting.”
I laugh. “Yeah, not anywhere close to that with Jack.”
“It’s been almost a year, right?”
“Not all of us move at the speed of light.”
Katelyn lets out a laugh and shakes her head. “Fair enough.”
