“There were so many nights I dreamt of this,” Sawyer says. As he speaks, his deep voice vibrates his chest, seeping into my body from where my head rests against him. “Of holding you in my arms beneath a blanket of stars. It felt so out of reach.”
I raise my head so I can look up at him. “So you’re saying I was on your mind, Maddox?” It’s my attempt to calm the raging storm inside of me. We’d agreed to just be friends for now. Until all of this was wrapped up. But right here, right now, it’s impossible to want to be anything but his everything.
“Always, Knox,” he replies, then leans down to rest his forehead against mine. “I promise that we’ll figure this out. I’m running down every possible?—”
“No.” I shake my head and look up at him again. “Sawyer, right now, I just want it to be us. Please? No crazed monsters hunting me, no weights, just us.” A tear slips down my cheek. I’m desperate for him to accept this lifeline. This momentary truce.
“No crazed monsters?” he asks.
“Yes. Please.”
“As you wish,” he whispers.
Chapter 21
Sawyer
Holding Anastasia in my arms beneath a blanket of stars is the only thing I want to do for the rest of my life. In fact, when we get back, I’m buying a boat. So that, when all of this is over, I can take her out again.
The wind picks up, sending strands of her blonde hair dancing around us. It tickles the side of my face, and I close my eyes, imagining that this night never has to end. That I can stand here with the woman I am head over heels in love with, surrounded by silence.
Out here on the water, it feels like we’re the only two people in the world.
“Thank you for this, Sawyer,” she says softly. “I cannot tell you how much it means to me.”
“You’re welcome, baby. There’s not a single thing I won’t do for you.”
She pulls away and looks up at me. “I have no idea what I did to deserve a man like you, Sawyer Maddox.”
“You have that backward,” I reply. How can she not see how I’m the lucky one? I know that I’ve been washed clean of my sin. But there are moments when I struggle with the knowledge of all that I’ve done. Moments where, holding this woman, I worry that I’ll get some of the darkness I once carried onto her light.
I brush the pad of my thumb over her cheek, tracing the scar from a bullet meant to take her life. She’d been pulled into a battle that wasn’t hers and used as a shield by someone whose betrayal we all should have seen coming from a mile away.
“When I heard you scream that day, a million thoughts went through my head. And when I saw the gun pointed at your head—” I swallow hard, the image will haunt me forever. “Anastasia, I was terrified.”
“You came through that door like it was your job.”
“Protecting you is my job. It’s my purpose,” I reply quickly as I look down at her. “You are my purpose.” I stop just short of those three words, just short of the tight leash on my control.
I’m playing with that lit fuse right now, but I can’t seem to stop.
Can’t seem to stop taking that next step.
How can I possibly be friends with this woman when she’s the very air that I breathe?
“I was pretty scared too,” she admits. “Until I saw you. It was the strangest thing. It was like, when I knew you were there, I knew that I was going to survive. I don’t fear death, Sawyer, but I do fear what happens to the people I love when I’m gone.”
“Losing you isn’t an option for me. You know that, right? This? You and me, baby? It’s everything to me.”
She smiles. “It’s everything to me, too. But you should know, you’re making it really hard to stick to our agreement. Because I am definitely not looking at you like a friend right now.”
I laugh, and the song changes to a more upbeat one. I use it as an ice breaker, pushing her away just enough to pull her back in and spin her in a circle.
Anastasia’s laugh is melodious. A wonderful tune I could listen to for the rest of my life.
And with each spin, each dip, I make a vow to myself.
Once this is over, I’m done wasting time.
