And then she says something else, but I don’t hear her.
The roaring in my ears drowns out everything as another spasm of pain hits.
I rock. I cry out. I grip the sheets so hard my knuckles turn white.
And it doesn’t stop.
I can’t breathe.
I can’t think.
"Is it endometriosis?" she asks, running through a few other conditions I’ve heard mentioned before, but I don’t know for sure.
Because then, I don’t hear her voice anymore.
The wave of pain assaults me like the lash of a whip on flesh.
Raw.
Brutal.
Unforgiving.
My breath catches, and I try to hold onto the sheets, move into a fetal position, and rock back and forth, but it doesn’t work.
Polina climbs onto the bed next to me, places both hands on the small of my back, and puts firm, steady pressure.
"My god, you poor girl. I can feel the spasms in your back. Breathe, Anissa. In through your nose, out through your mouth," she says, adjusting her hands on my back in just the right way, and then she presses.
Relief.
Blissful, glorious relief.
Like my body was caught in a vise, and she just pulled the release button.
"Oh my god," I gasp. "Whatever you’re doing, that feels better. It feels so much better."
My voice is wobbly and shaky, and I’m still blinking back tears.
But at least now, I can breathe.
"Good," she says in a gentle voice that makes me want to weep.
I’m a fucking mess.
Then she raises her voice. “Matvei!”
The door immediately opens, and he stares, his eyes wide, as she rattles off a list of things that he needs to fetch for her. She tells him exactly where to get them.
"Make it fast! If I think of anything else, I’ll call you!" she yells, applying pressure to the spasm in my back.
She presses her thumbs in circular motions—one clockwise, one counterclockwise.
It feels so good.
I breathe, clutching the pillow as another spasm comes. My cheeks heat with embarrassment. I need to get cleaned up.
"We’ll get you what you need," Polina says quietly. "Let your body do what it’s meant to. This will bring relief from the pain. Just let yourself go through it. We’ll draw a bath when this subsides. I promise, it will get better. You’ll be okay. I’m so sorry."
