Every time I’m near him, it’s like my skin’s on fire. My heart kicks up, and this strange, almost teenage version of me takes over—cool, flirty, reckless. I’ve never looked at him this way before. Not until recently. But the cruel truth is this: He’s not married anymore. And how do you not fall in love with someone who so effortlessly loves the people you care about most?
I love seeing Luka. I do. But I know it’s better—safer—if I keep my distance from his father.
“I want to have french fries,” Luka says, walking back in the room and sticking out his lower lip like a little duckbill, all pout and stubborn charm.
“Then are you going to behave?” I ask, raising an eyebrow at him. “Or do you need to go home and sit in your bed instead?”
Luka squirms in place, shifting from one foot to the other like a tiny ball of restless energy. But there’s no possible way I could win an argument with Vadka if I tried—never mind this little boy. Luka’s good. A bit wild sometimes, sure, but good. He’s got that strong will but a soft heart.
“Fine,” he says finally, exhaling like it’s costing him something enormous. “I’ll be good. Can I jump just one more time, please?”
Vadka’s lips twitch with the ghost of a smile. He shakes his head slowly, then releases his boy’s tiny hand. “One more jump,” he agrees, pointing at the bed. “But jump toward me, okay? So I can catch you if you fall.”
“All right, Auntie Ruthie?” Luka asks, wide-eyed.
Why is that the most adorable thing I’ve ever seen?
He runs and jumps in the middle of the bed, arms flying out, aiming straight for Vadka. And like it’s the most natural thing inthe world, Vadka catches him in mid-air and cradles him against his chest. He presses a kiss to the top of Luka’s hair.
It’s one of those stupidly soft moments that hits hard. So goddamn cute it hurts a little.
And then I remember the text. And the voicemail.
“Hey… do you ever check Mariah’s phone anymore?” I ask him quietly.
He shakes his head. “Nah. I don’t check it. But I still listen to her voicemail sometimes.” There’s a pause, then, “She doesn’t get anything anymore. No messages, no voicemails. Even when she was still here, it was always just you.”
“Okay. Well, I may have left her a voicemail. I miss her, and I—” My throat tightens.
“It’s alright,” he says softly. “I won’t listen.”
I try to breathe a sigh of relief, but it doesn’t come easy.
I don’t tell him about the text. I can’t.
I don’t know if I’m actually relieved. And then my phone buzzes with a message from Zoya.
Zoya
Located Mariah’s phone.
And the follow-up comes fast:
Zoya
It’s in his pocket.
Fuck my life.
Chapter Ten
Vadka
I love seeingRuthie with Luka. There’s something grounding about it, something whole. Knowing your kid doesn’t have what they need—whether it’s food, shelter, love, security—it breaks something fundamental in you. A good parent bleeds for their child. We empty our wallets and sacrifice sleep, comfort, even sanity, just to make sure they’re okay. And since Mariah’s been gone, there’s this one thing—this massive, gaping need in Luka—that I can’t fill, no matter how hard I try.
Because I’m not her.
She was soft where I’m hard. She nurtured where I protect. She was gentle in the spaces I don't even know how to reach.
