“I know you did.” And that was the part that scraped an open sore. They’d had such hope for me. “You were kind to believe in us. That said, I think on some level I always knew how it would end. It’s why I didn’t want to start.”
“The kid thing isn’t for everyone,” Lila said. “Maybe he doesn’t want to be a stepfather.”
“I’m sorry, but it doesn’t track,” Seraphina said, a stubborn glint in her eyes.
“What does that mean?” I asked.
“Dorian’s not that guy,” Seraphina said.
“He didn’t like me enough to commit. So it really doesn’t matter.” It came out harder than I meant. Soleil stirred in her carrier, and I lowered my voice. “Let’s talk about something else.”
“What can we do to help?” Lila asked.
Gillian reached over and put her hand on my arm, her fingers warm and dry on my skin. “I have a minivan. And access to tire slashing tools. Three teenagers and a baby. No one would suspect me.”
I laughed, and it felt good, like I’d forgotten how to for a while but was now back, just hanging out with my friends. Light and airy, that’s me, I thought. “We don’t need to live out a Carrie Underwood song.”
“The last thing we need is for you to get arrested, Gillian,” Esme said.
“But the thing is—he didn’t do anything wrong,” Seraphina said. “He merely raised a concern that maybe you were going too fast. Which I think is responsible of him. He was thinking of Annie. Am I the only one who sees this?”
“I mean, you do have a valid point,” Lila said. “He didn’t want to let her down.”
“Do you think it’s possible you ended things too quickly?” Esme asked.
“Wait, what did he tell you about the wedding?” Gillian asked. “Did you ask him? Because I still think something happened there that made him feel uncertain.”
“I asked him. He didn’t answer. Regardless, that was when he said he wasn’t sure how he felt about me. I don’t think any of you can blame me for taking that as a bad sign. I don’t have time for that kind of thing.”
“Heisin his early forties and never married,” Esme said. “Maybe hedoeshave commitment issues. I think you’re right to be cautious.”
“Thank you, Esme,” I said. At least one of them understood.
“Still doesn’t track.” Seraphina’s face had gone slightly red. “He committed to protecting our country with his own sacrifices—for two decades. Which is why he never married. He came home to take care of his mom when she was sick and then took on the family business because he promised her he would. That is not a person with commitment issues. What none of you seem to remember is that he lost his best friend, who was like a brother to him, just as we are like sisters. He’s cautious because he’s had his heart broken. Delphine, of anyone, you should understand that. He’s scared because of how he feels about you. I’m just going to say it for the record—I think you’ve made a mistake.”
In all the years of our friendship, we’d had almost no conflict. First, she takes Annie to the group without asking me. And now this. Which felt personal. Why would she take his side over mine? I looked down at my wine glass, fighting the urge to flee.
“I’m sorry you feel that way,” I said. “But really, it’s none of your business.”
“That’s not true, and you know it,” Seraphina said. “We’re all in one another’s business twenty-four seven.”
“Well, maybe we shouldn’t be,” I said, sullenly. “I mean, Seraphina, why are you so obsessed with Dorian and me anyway? We went out for a bit, and it didn’t go anywhere. For heaven’s sake, just let it go.”
“Trust me, I will,” Seraphina said, her voice brittle. “Won’t hear another word from me about him or anything else that might penetrate your fortress. God forbid that I want you to be happy.”
Down the patio, one of the men laughed, oblivious to the drama unfolding at our table. Leo had gone quiet, gnawing the giraffe’s ear with total absorption. I watched him for a moment. This beautiful baby boy at the start of his life, all his leavings and losses still ahead of him, none of them survived yet. What was the point of anything really? It all ended badly, in one way or the other.
I stood, pushing in my chair. “I have a headache. Going to head home. Gillian, would you mind dropping Annie off later?”
They were all staring at me.
“Don’t go,” Lila said softly. “We can talk about something else. Anything you want.”
“I have to go,” I said, voice cracking. “Please, just let me. You all stay and chat about your perfect lives and your great marriages and all the stuff you have to look forward to. I don’t fit in anymore.”
“That’s ridiculous,” Seraphina said. “The five of us are growing old together.”
Esme’s eyes had filled, pools of blue glimmering in the fading light. “Is that how we’ve made you feel? Going on and on about how happy we are? Because, if that’s true, then we’ve let you down terribly. We’re on your side. Always.”
