The fog was thick and damp, so I took it slow going home. I switched on music and then switched it off. Music made me think of Dorian. Reading made me think of Dorian. And cooking. And sharing a bottle of wine. Laughing about Poe. Seeing him with my baby girl.
I cursed under my breath, angry at myself for allowing this kind of vulnerability into my life. I was right. Entanglements are not worth it. Not if they made me feel like this.
Annie was on the couch in her pajamas watching television, with Poe curled next to her. She shut the TV off when I came in. “Mom, have you heard from Dorian? I texted him a photo of Poe sitting on top of a clean pile of laundry, and I didn’t hear back from him.”
“The wedding probably kept him busy all day. I’m sure we’ll hear from him tomorrow.”
“You haven’t heard from him either?” A little knit of worry creased her forehead. “But you two text all day.”
“I called him. He didn’t pick up, so I figured he was occupied.”
“Yeah, that’s probably it. The wedding went long or something. He might still be there.”
I could tell from her tone she didn’t believe that, and neither did I. We understood what the sound of silence means.
Upstairs, I sat on the edge of the bed and opened my text thread with Dorian. His last message from that morning sat at the bottom of the screen, ordinary and warm, thanking me for dinner the night before. Letting me know he was headed to the wedding.
I didn’t type anything. For the first time in two weeks, I didn’t say goodnight.
I turned the phone face-down on the nightstand and switched off the lamp. I, too, knew how to go silent. I’d just forgotten how loud silence could be.
21
DORIAN
Two days after Becca’s wedding, I was at the store helping a customer when Delphine came in twenty minutes before the end of my shift. She’d clearly come from the gallery, given her impeccable pale green suit and black pumps.
Annie was at the front table, restacking the staff picks, and called out, “Mom, you’re early.”
“I came by to talk to Dorian,” Delphine said.
“Oh, okay,” Annie said.
I could hear the worry in Annie’s voice, and I hated myself for it. I’d not handled the last couple days well. Any texts between us had been polite but distant. She’d suggested we have dinner together, but I’d said I had work to catch up on. Total lie. She hadn’t even replied to that message. And now she was here, cold fury in her eyes, waiting for me to finish with the customer so we could talk.
The customer left and I slowly turned to look at Delphine. “What’s up?” I asked casually.
“I’d like a moment, if possible,” Delphine said.
The tone in her voice could have frozen any half-melted iceberg.
“My office?” I asked.
“Fine.”
I’d spent the morning looking through old photos. They were still spread across the desk. Nate at nineteen; Nate in the desert squinting; Nate holding a newborn Luci, staring at her as if she were the answer to whatever he’d been looking for. If only that had been true.
I swept the photos aside, but Delphine saw them.
“I promised Luci I’d find photos of her dad,” I said. “There’s one in particular she wants.”
“I hope you found it.”
“I did, yeah.” I gestured toward the guest chair. “Have a seat. What brings you by?”
She sat, narrowing her eyes, a flush creeping up her neck. “What brings me by? You ask as if I were just a casual acquaintance. The same treatment I’ve been getting for two days now. I want to know why. I want to know why you didn’t ask me to go to the wedding with you. You owe me an explanation, at the very least.”
“It’s nothing you’ve done,” I said. “But I think we should slow down.”
