“Can I say something?” he says finally. “And you don't get to hang up on me for it.”
“When's that ever stopped you?”
“You're going to fuck this up. I can hear you winding yourself up to it from here. You're scared this girl's going to pick her dad over you, so you're going to beat her to it. You're going to blow it up yourself first, so you get to tell yourself you chose it. So it doesn't count as one more person disappointing you.”
I don't say anything.
He’s too damn smart for his own good. He should be back in college, not working his life away.
“That's the move, right?” He speaks gentler now. “It's always been the move. You did it to the Chicago thing. You did it to that Billet family junior year, the ones who actually wanted you to stay. The second something gets real, you find a way to set the thing on fire. You leave first. You've been leaving first since Dad walked, because if you're already gone, it can't get done to you.”
“That's a hell of a read for a guy who failed psych,” I say, because I swallow what he’s trying to feed me.
“I didn't fail psych, asshole. I dropped it to pick up a shift, so our sisters wouldn’t get teased for their ratty ass bookbags.”
“I’m sorry.”
“No, I’m not saying that for you to be sorry. I’m telling you that we’ve both been dealt a shitty hand, but you have borne the brunt of it more than I.” He takes a breath. “I know exactly what you look like right before you torch something good, and I'm telling you, as somebody who loves you. Don't. Not this time. Not her.”
My eyes are doing something I'm glad he can't see over a phone.
“You don't get it,” I say. “If I keep her, I lose Carolina, and Carolina solves all our problems. If I keep the girl, I lose the thing that takes care of you.”
“Did she ask you to?” Christian says. “To pick her over it?”
“No. Just the opposite.”
“Then she's not the one making you choose. You are.” He lets it sit. “And you're choosing wrong, man. Not because you ought to pick her over us. Because you already decided you can't have both, and you decided it before you even tried, because somewhere down there you don't believe you're allowed one good thing, let alone two. There will be other teams, Caleb. Caroline is not the be-all, end-all.”
“You don’t know that.”
“We can figure out a way to pay the bills. You won’t find another Jasmine. You’re not that damn lucky.”
“When'd you get so smart?” I manage.
“Had a good teacher. He left, but the early lessons stuck.” A pause, and I can hear him smiling, sad with it. “I'm kidding. You raised me. You know that, right? Whatever you think you are, in this house we know you raised two girls and me on a teenager's paycheck, and not one of us came out like dad…or mom.”
I sit with that in the dark for a second.
“There's a meeting in the morning,” I say. “She’s scared.”
“Then here's what you do.” Nineteen years old, telling me what to do, and I let him. “You go to that meeting too. You don’t let her deal it alone. Whatever happens in that room, you do not do the thing where you leave first, so it feels like you decided. You let her choose. If she picks you, you've got the only thing you've ever actually wanted in your life. If she can't, then at least you can go to Carolina with a broken heart but a clear conscience. You make him take it from you. You don't give it away. You hearing me?”
“I hear you.”
“Say it back so I can go the fuck to sleep. I’ve got to work in the morning.”
“I let her choose. I don't leave first.” It comes out rough. “I don't burn it down so it feels like my idea.”
“Finally.” The relief in his voice is plain. “Now go to sleep, and you call me after. Whether it’s good news or bad, you call me. You don't carry this shit alone, okay? Just because you’re older than me doesn’t mean you have to. That's the part you keep forgetting.”
“Yeah,” I say. “Okay.”
“Love you, Caleb. Now get off my phone.”
“Love you too, Chris. Give Bean a kiss for me and tell Courtney honor roll's the standard now. Adams are winners.”
“I’ll tell her, big head.” And he's gone.
