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She went back to her office, ignoring a curious look from Sophie, and sat at her desk and worked non-stop until six. She took phone calls, she attended a meeting, she even chatted and joked a little with colleagues.
But all the time she could hear the buzzing in her head. She felt as if she were watching herself from a distance, applauding how effortlessly she was handling it all. Except she wasn’t really...because inside she could feel the beginnings of panic ice over her mind and her belly.
She was pregnant with Leo’s baby.
‘Do you want to go for a drink?’ Sophie asked as Margo rose to gather her things at six.
‘I don’t think...’ Margo began, intending to put Sophie off, but then she hesitated.
She couldn’t bear the thought of returning to her apartment and spending the evening alone—not with this bomb of knowledge still ticking inside of her, waiting to detonate.
‘Why not?’ she amended as lightly as she could, and slipped on her blazer.
It was a warm evening in early September, and the office buildings of Paris’s centre were emptying out onto the wide boulevard of the Champs-Élysées. They walked to a wine bar on a narrow side street, one of their favourites, and sat outside at a rickety table so they could watch the world go by.
‘Red or white?’ Sophie asked as she moved to go inside and order their wine from the bar.
Margo hesitated, and then shook her head. ‘I’ll just have a glass of sparkling water. My stomach is still a little queasy.’
Sophie stared at her for a moment and Margo held the stare. She’d come out with Sophie tonight to avoid being home alone with this new knowledge, this new life inside her, but she wasn’t ready to tell her friend yet.
‘Very well,’ Sophie said, and went inside.
Margo sat back in her chair and blindly watched people stream by, heading home or to a bar like this—people with plans, with jobs and busy lives...
Hours ago she’d been just like them—at least on the surface. To the world she presented an image of the confident, sophisticated career woman who had everything she wanted. She’d always known it was nothing more than a flimsy façade, but no one else had.
And now the façade was about to crumble. Because she was pregnant. Pregnant with a baby...a child of her own...
Instinctively her hand crept to her still flat stomach. She imagined the little life nestled inside her, the size of a grain of rice and yet with a brain and a beating heart. A baby...
‘So what’s going on?’ Sophie asked as she returned to the table and handed Margo her glass of water.
Quickly Margo dropped her hand from her middle. ‘What do you mean?’
‘You’ve been acting strange all afternoon. Almost as if you were in a daze.’
‘I’ve been working.’
Sophie just gave her a look; she knew her too well for Margo to dissemble. She took a sip of water to stall for time.
‘Is everything all right?’ Sophie asked quietly, abandoning her usual flippancy for a sincerity that made Margo’s eyes sting.
She didn’t have many friends. She had acquaintances and colleagues, people on the periphery of her life, but no one had ever been at its centre. She hadn’t allowed anyone to be, because loneliness was safer. And maybe it was all she deserved.
If you’d married Leo he would have been there.
But she couldn’t think that way because she’d made her choice. She couldn’t change her mind now, couldn’t wonder or wish for something else.
‘Margo?’ Sophie prompted, real concern wrinkling her forehead.
Margo took a deep breath. ‘Actually...I really am pregnant.’ She hadn’t been planning on admitting it, but now that she had it was such a relief to share the burden, even if Sophie looked as dazed and shocked as she’d felt a few hours ago.
‘Seriously? But...’
‘I took a test at lunchtime.’
Sophie shook her head slowly. ‘I didn’t even know you were seeing anyone seriously.’
‘I wasn’t. It was...casual. He lives in Greece.’
‘And...? Have you told him?’
Margo let out a trembling laugh. ‘Sophie, I told you, I just found out at lunchtime.’
‘Right.’ Sophie sat back in her seat and took a sip of wine. ‘So you’re still processing it, I suppose?’
Margo passed a hand over her forehead. Telling Sophie had made her pregnancy seem more real, and she felt a bit shaky as a result. ‘I don’t think I’ve even started.’
‘Well,’ Sophie said, ‘I didn’t think you wanted children.’
‘I didn’t. Don’t.’
Sophie raised an eyebrow and Margo realised her hand had strayed once more to her middle. She let out another uncertain laugh and dropped it.
