Bella.
It was a pretty name.Was it short for Isabella or something else?Oh, he had a million questions for Gen, but couldn’t speak to her now.Had barely been able to look at her as she’d tried to explain.
Explain?How dare she try to blame him to justify whatshehad done?He wasn’t the problem here.
He rolled onto his back, as the stitches from the past made their presence known.Okay, so lying like this was probably not doctor-approved, but it felt like he had no strength to stand.Not anymore.
His phone rang.He ignored it.Couldn’t reach it.Well, he could if he moved, but he felt like lying here forever.
“Lord?”
His heart clenched and a sudden wave of emotion passed through him, and he began to weep.To weep for the stupid break in his and Gen’s relationship ten years ago, and the fact she obviously had never really trusted him or loved him enough to be honest.
To weep for the missing years, when he’d missed Bella’s birth, her first smile, her first word, all the things a real dad would’ve known.
To weep for the shocking way life had turned upside down in the blink of an eye.One minute feeling like his future with Gen was assured.The next, feeling like she was only a hologram of someone he’d once known.
“Lord, why?It’s not supposed to be like this.”
His phone rang again, cutting into his grief.Whoever it was, they were getting annoying.
He closed his eyes, and he must’ve slept a bit, because when he woke he was really cold, stiff and sore.Outside was darker, more still, like the city had finally decided to sleep.
He probably needed to sleep too.He pushed to all fours, grimacing as pain pierced his side.That didn’t feel good.
Somehow, he managed to stumble to grasp the back of the sofa to pull himself upright.Had it really only been a week ago when Gen had stayed here?It felt impossible.
He staggered to the bathroom, winced at his reflection.Nobody would ever award him best-looking guy on the team, and right now he looked suspiciously like a troll.After flicking on the shower, he stripped, then took solace under the now-warm water.Heat gradually made its way inside, warming the frozen organ that had been shocked numb by Gen’s news.
He was a dad.A father.He now had responsibilities beyond himself, whether Gen wanted him to or not.
He needed to speak to her.Speak to Bella.Man, he probably needed to tell his folks.Who was he kidding?Ofcoursehe needed to tell his folks.There had been too many secrets for too long, and he wasn’t going to be keeping any more.
He dragged in a breath, nearly choked on the cooling water.He’d been in here too long.
But still… He dried himself, thinking over his parents’ likely reactions.Mom would have a fit, would blame Gen for sure, and would likely consider herself too young to be a grandmother to a nine-year-old.Dad?He wasn’t so sure.But he could also see both of them insisting on making sure Bella had opportunities for the best education, music lessons, sports, the works.They were generous that way, even if Gen had never been able to see it.But then, they’d always kept their sponsorship of local sports teams under their hat, so how could she?
He exhaled, stumbled to his bed, when his phone rang again.
Anger flared.Didn’t whoever it was know it was way past midnight here?
Let ’em call.He wasn’t gonna answer.
He closed his eyes, but his mind kept churning through images from today.Or was it yesterday?He no longer knew.
Gen.Flowers.Bella.Tears.That rickety shack they called a house.The moon.Ant-people.Peace.All of which felt impossible, impassable, requiring answers he didn’t have and superhuman strength he knew he didn’t possess.
He stifled another sob.“Lord, I need You.”
And maybe God still had an ounce of grace for him, because somehow the whirl of worries stilled enough for him to finally sleep.
Morning light smackedhim in the eyes.Someone had forgotten to close the blinds properly last night, and a chasm of light was centered laser-like on his eyelids.
He blinked awake, felt the crusty residue of last night’s tears that he palmed away as best he could.His stupid tears had led to a headache the size of Mount Rainier thudding behind his eyes.He felt like a drunk with a hangover, but no greasy burger or kebab could fix this mess.
Still, a shower might help, so he blasted himself with hot water, changed, ate, brushed his teeth, then finally felt ready to face the missed phone calls.
Sure enough, most of them were from his mom.Great.She had a way of ferreting out information that he really didn’t like, especially as it was so effective.
