I didn’t know what we’d been. But she’d made it perfectly clear we weren’t going to be that again.
And I had a heavy feeling sitting on my chest. As much as I protested that it wasn’t my fault, I knew it was. Deep down, I knew what a fool I’d been. I sat in that chair for a long timewatching the creek and wishing we could go back to times when things were easier. To the days of us laughing and screaming and playing in that creek without a care in the world.
Would we ever be easy like that with each other again?
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Tim
The weeks passed by slowly. Natalie and the rest of my family had figured things out. She wanted to see them, just not me. They were fine with that.
There was this part of me that felt a bit hurt that they were fine doing things with her and without me. But that was the selfish part. The part of me that loved her and wanted only the best for her recognized that they were her family in a way that her father hadn’t been able to be for her. I could never begrudge her that.
So, I got used to doing things with my family without Natalie, and them doing things with Natalie without me. It was all about me. As long as I wasn’t there, she was happy to be with them.
She had cut off all contact with me. She wouldn’t even talk to them about me, and she didn’t want to hear anything about me, either. Not that there was much to hear. I went to work. I came home. I hung out with my family. I didn’t hookup anymore. I quit hosting parties. My life became… routine. It was the kind of life I would’ve found boring and dull even a few months ago.
But now? It was all I was able to do. I didn’t recognize that I was depressed. I didn’t know what that looked like. I’d never personally had a problem with it, so I didn’t know the signs. But Sadie did.
“Here,” she shoved a card in my hand when we were walking by the creek one day. I was staring down at and picturing all the fun Nat and I had there over the years. I’d give anything to go back to those days. And I wondered how Anne and Gilbert were doing. Did tortoises miss people they’d gotten used to?
“What’s this?” I barely glanced at it.
“It’s the number for a therapist in Halliwell. My therapist recommended him when I said I thought you needed some… guidance. She said this guy is amazing. You need to go.”
I frowned. “You really think so?”
“I know so.”
I looked into my older sister’s eyes. It was kind of like looking in a mirror. We had the same eye and hair color. All of the Summers siblings looked alike, but Sadie and I could’ve been twins. “Are you serious? You think I need it?”
She just nodded and patted me on the back. “I know you made a mistake, Tim. And it cost you dearly. Your whole family is mad at you, too.” She paused, as if she didn’t want to say something.
“What?”
“You need to talk through that awful time for you in high school when you found out Annika and your friends weren’t who you thought they were.”
My shoulders slumped. “Do you think that’s why I hurt Nat?”
“I can’t say for sure. It seems like it to me, but a professional might not think so. I just know that I’m tired of seeing you without a smile on your face. And I swear you haven’t pulled a prank on me since it all went down.”
I gave her a weird look.
She laughed. “I’m not talking about since the Annika thing. God, you’ve done countless things to me since that.” She shook her head. “Do you remember that time I was out with Harrison past curfew and I was trying to be really quiet getting back inthe house? I took my shoes off and was tiptoeing up to the door when you set off firecrackers in the front yard and ran.”
I couldn’t help but grin. “That was classic.”
She shook her head, still chuckling. “Mom and Dad were so pissed and grounded me. I was so mad at you.”
“I couldn’t stop laughing about that. I swear I’ve never seen someone jump so high in my life.”
“I thought someone was shooting at me!”
I laughed, and thought Sadie was probably right. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d laughed before now. It had probably been with Natalie.
“No, I was talking about since everything happened with Nat.”
I looked up at the sky and squinted in the sun. I folded my arms over my chest, thinking about how many people I loved had told me I needed therapy over the years. It was time. “Yeah. Okay. I think you might be right.”
