“Yeah, you’re the hottest guy I’ve ever met online.” She laughed. “Though I don’t know that I should be telling you that.”
“Aww, you can tell me anything you want,” I said with a smile, though I was already regretting having held her hand. Her fingers felt clammy against mine, and I couldn’t stop myself from thinking about Lara and how soft and warm and silky her hands had felt against mine. I was driving myself crazy, or at least I had been since that night. Everything felt awkward since then. I’d woken up the next morning and Lara had been gone. I’d felt empty inside when I realized she’d just left without saying goodbye, but I had thought everything would still be okay. But then she hadn’t called or texted. At all. And that wasn’t like Lara. She usually texted me several times a day with random questions and comments. It wasn’t even something I’d paid attention to, until the texts had stopped. And now... well, now I wanted to know why she’d stopped. And I knew I hadn’t made it better when I’d called her for advice for my date. I’d heard the shock in her voice when she’d responded to my question, the pause when she said, “You’re going on a date and you want my help?” I knew it had been a dumb move, but I’d just wanted to talk to her and show her that everything was still cool. We were still friends. I still valued her opinion. Just because we’d almost had sex didn’t mean anything had to change. I didn’t want anything to change, but I felt like it already had.
“I’m not the sort of girl who has one-night stands,” Louisa said, and her words broke me out of my reverie. I looked up at her and saw the shy, demure look on her face, and part of me wondered if this was an act.
“Good for you. I can’t say the same.” I laughed casually, my words being an understatement. I’d had far too many one-night stands, but really, what guy hadn’t? I enjoyed sex, and to me, that enjoyment was enough. It didn’t mean anything to me and I was pretty sure most women understood that. Though once again that made me think of Lara. Why hadn’t I just slept with her? Any other woman and I wouldn’t even have thought about stopping. But then, I’d never looked at another woman and felt the same depth of feelings as I had for Lara that night. Though, I suppose that was because she’d been in my life so long and was now one of my closest friends. I didn’t want to overstep that line, that boundary that might somehow cheapen our friendship.
“I guess a guy as good-looking as you can have his pick of women,” Louisa said, continuing to butter me up, and I wondered why she was laying it on so strong. She was a beautiful woman, so she certainly didn’t need to be going after me this much.
“Well, I can’t complain.” I shrugged.
“So what are you looking for?” she continued, and her eyes searched mine desperately. I was starting to feel like perhaps the reason why she was on the dating sites was more due to her intensity than anything else.
“Not really sure. More something casual,” I said slowly. “I’m not really sure what I’m looking for right now.”
“Hmm, I see.” Louisa pulled her hand back from me and frowned. “I’m looking for a husband.”
“Okay, then.” I nodded at her and I could feel my stomach churning. This was so not a match. “I can honestly say I’m not ready for marriage yet.” I gave her an apologetic smile.
“But maybe in the future?” she asked hopefully.
“I guess?” I shrugged, starting to feel like the conversation had taken a dangerous turn. Especially for a first date. Didn’t she know these weren’t the conversations to be having with men?I almost felt like laughing. Lara would think it was hilarious when I told her what had gone down on this date, I thought to myself, and then I paused. I couldn’t really call Lara and tell her anything. I wasn’t sure she’d appreciate me calling to tell her about my bad date, though I knew she’d get a kick out of it.
“Look, I’m going to be honest,” Louisa continued. “I’m looking for a husband. I’m not getting any younger, and I want kids, but I think you’re hot. And it’s been a while, so I’m willing.”
“Uh, willing for what?” I asked her curiously.
“Willing to see where this goes.”
“Where what goes?” I asked dumbly. Was she serious?
“I’m willing to go home with you tonight,” she purred. “I’ve got an itch I think you can scratch.”
“Oooh,” I said with a grin. “I see.”
“And I’m sure you have one I can scratch as well.” I felt her hand under the table, rubbing my thigh and running its way up toward my crotch. I felt nothing at her touch, and for a few brief seconds I felt sad. I wished I weren’t even here. I wasn’t having fun. I didn’t want to be with her. I wanted to be hanging out with Lara. And I’d love forherto be rubbing me right now. I sighed as she crossed my mind again. This was getting totally ridiculous. I didn’t know why I couldn’t stop thinking about her, and then I bet it was because I hadn’t fucked her. I thought if I’d only slept with her, she’d be gone from my mind. I wanted to slap myself.
“I’m okay,” I said and jumped up. “Hey, I have to go to the restroom. I’ll be right back.” I walked away from the table quickly, my head feeling heavy and confused as I went to pee. I didn’t know what was wrong with me, but I knew I had to fix it fast. Maybe sleeping with Louisa was what I needed to help me stop thinking about Lara. I knew it would be a risk, since Louisa seemed all sorts of psycho and was likely to go all stalker on me, but I’d handled stalkers before. All you had to do was ignore them. They went even crazier at first, but then they finally gotthe hint. Especially if you told them you’d get a restraining order or something.
Though I wondered if it was worth the hassle. I didn’t want to sleep with Louisa. No part of my body was interested in her. I’d probably have to think of Lara to even get off. I could feel myself growing angry at that thought. Lara was nothing but a friend to me and as soon as my big and little head realized that, I’d be okay. I exited the bathroom with one thought in my mind. I’d take Louisa to a bar and see what happened after we both had a bit more to drink. I knew it wasn’t my best idea, but I knew I had to stop thinking about Lara before she drove me crazy.
“Another shot?”I asked Louisa as we stood by the bar, both of us already quite drunk but not ready to leave.
“Sure, why not?” She giggled as she placed her hand on my arm. “Trying to get me intoxicated?”
“I’m not sure if I need to try,” I said, and she giggled some more and pressed herself against my chest.
“I’m ready to leave whenever you are,” she said and then licked her lips slowly. “I’m ready to be a bad, bad girl.”
“Oh?” I asked her, staring as she sucked on her pinky finger.
“A bad, bad girl,” she said again, this time with more inflections.
“I see.” I grinned down at her, faking an enthusiasm I didn’t really feel.
“You do?” she said, and I felt her hand sliding down the front of my jeans. “I can’t feel it,” she said with a pout as she moved her hand away. Normally a comment like that would make me feel like I had to man up, but for some reason her overt sexual talk was doing nothing for me.
“I’ve never had any complaints,” I said finally, with a wink.
