Okay, girl. You're killing me with all your hard work. Talk later,he'd written.
I chew on my cheek and set the phone down. Let's not act out of desperation. Or loneliness. Let's not act like Mom, who gets lonely and needy, and that's why she turns to male companionship.
But I am lonely. That's the problem.
I'd been sailing along in our bubble, confident that I could separate lust from my feelings toward him. Then Sunday happened, and it was like a hurricane swept in and changed the landscape. Something about being with Remy at his parents'house, around his entire family, made me yearn for something… more.
But every time the wedding talk came up at the dinner table, Remy got this look on his face like he'd eaten some bad shellfish. And his repeated, barbed remarks about being a confirmed bachelor got under my skin. His words weren't just annoying — they were outright hurtful. Ever since then, I've been questioning my sanity for wanting to continue our friends-with-benefits relationship.
And yet, he'd warned me all along. Told me explicitly that he didn't want a relationship. Said he was only in this “for the fun.” I'd happily agreed, because, well.
I'd thought I wanted the same thing.
Thought being the operative word. Turns out that I actually like the big goof. A lot. It's not that I want to marry the guy, but I'd like something a little more formal. Which will never happen, as far as I can tell — the bracelet and the plant gifts aside.
I suspect he's going to break my heart if I continue down this path with him. He's too easy to be around, and I know that I'm developing feelings for him. Deep, intense feelings. Warm, fuzzy feelings.
Feelings are not part of the arrangement.
It's not just about the chemistry, though that's real. I can't get enough of his laughter, his observations about the world, his laid-back attitude.
And the way he treats his mother? Priceless. Watching the two of them joke and banter at dinner was so sweet that it almost made my teeth hurt.
He checks all the boxes on my perfect man list. Except one.
• Isn't commitment shy.
Kind of an important one, now that I think about it. And Remy is about the most commitment shy guy I've ever met. Ugh.
"Looks like I'm another victim of the Playboy of Paradise Springs," I mutter aloud.
I push my chair back and move toward the coffee maker. It's six at night, and I really could use something stronger than coffee, but I'm not the drinking-alone type, even when I'm down.
What am I doing here, holed up in my house?
As far as I can tell, I have two options. I can just tell Remy how I feel and soldier on with the arrangement, feelings tucked away. If he can do this without feelings, so can I, right?
Um. Wrong.
Or I can let him go. Allow the friendship to fade to nothing. Timing favors this option, because the final Chamber of Commerce contest meeting is this Saturday. It'll be the last time we have to see each other. Maybe we'll share a last night together.
And then I'll drown myself in a vat of ice cream for a few days before picking myself up off the sofa, and that will be the end of Remy and Leilani's Arrangement. I will be fully single once again, and not get attached, like my mother, the serial monogamist.
Yep. This is what I need to do.
In the meantime, I ponder, why am I sitting around my house, moping? If there's one thing that Remy, his sister, and the rest of his family showed me, it's that I need friends. Cypress Grove is a friendly place. Getting over Remy will be easier with new friends.
I didn't leave home and break up with Brent to come here and sit in my house, alone. And now that the bar is almost a reality, I really need to expand my social network.
I'm going out. Alone.
First, I tie my hair in a ponytail, then swipe on some pink lip gloss. I shove my feet into my flip-flops and grab my purse. SinceI don't live far from downtown, I figure I'll take my bike to Main Street and find a place to spend the afternoon.
I pause at the door. Should I do this alone? Will it feel awkward?
You know what? It doesn't matter if I'm alone or not.I'll have a beer at a bar or some iced tea and make some new friends. There are so many witches and covens and psychics in town that surely I'll find a place that feels women-friendly.
My ponytail flies in the wind as I pedal my aqua blue beach cruiser out of my driveway and down the sidewalk toward Main Street.
