And, so she had remained alive, as though in doing so she were only appeasing him. Yet, here she was...alive. But, with a full bladder and nowhere to empty it.
She tried to go back to sleep, but the problem was becoming so painful there in her nether region, she realized she had to try to communicate her problem. Taking a breath for courage, she said aloud, "I must relieve myself, and soon."
Her voice was not over a whisper, but it still awakened him. Opening his eyes, he bent down close to her face, putting his ear close to her lips. She repeated, "I have to...urinate...bad."
She was never certain how he came to understand what she'd said, but it appeared he did.
Squatting beside her, he used the language of sign and gestured, "I have made a place outside our shelter for this. I will carry you there."
"Yes, please," she said in English, finding she was too weak to even bring her hands up in the language of sign.
"I must put your boots back on your feet, for there is still a great snowstorm blowing outside this shelter. You will have to stand a little."
"Yes," she said in English. "But, do hurry."
At last it was done: her shoes were on her feet, and he picked her up in his arms. And, then it came to her: what was she wearing? Certainly, these weren't her clothes. Indeed, she was dressed in nothing more than a soft, yet furry leather robe. Where were her own clothes?
An even worse thought came to her as she realized he'd had to undress her.
Could she be more self-conscious?
He kept hold of her even when he had to come down onto his knees to exit their tiny shelter, and she clutched the robe around her with her free arm, keeping it in place and covering her nakedness. The place he had constructed for this purpose was close to the shelter, for he took only a few steps to get to it. But, she couldn't see it, so intense was the fury of the snow and the storm's wind.
All of a sudden, the snow was less, and, looking up, she saw the reason why. This place was set beneath the boughs of a pine tree. Even here, however, the wind sounded like many howling ghosts, and she shivered to think how close she had been to never awakening again.
Soon, Eagle Heart was setting her down and, when done, turned his back on her, giving her a small degree of privacy. She bent over, preparing to squat, but found she couldn't do it and remain on her feet. She paused.
The snow was not deep in this space, and there was a natural shield of bushes on one side of it. Eagle Heart had scraped out the snow and the dirt below it, making a narrow trench so that any waste would stream downhill. In front of her was the trunk of a tree that she could reach out and take hold of in order to keep her balance. But, she couldn't put her weight on more than one foot and could only keep hold of the tree with merely one of her arms. It was inevitable: she fell.
He turned toward her at once and lifted her up. She cried. She couldn't do this on her own, for she couldn't stand on her feet. But, she also couldn't do it with him hovering over her, either.
Never had she felt so embarrassed. But, as he held her up, she raised her uninjured hand to sign, "I am so sorry, but I cannot do this when you are here, and I cannot do this alone because I can't stand on my own. What am I to do? I am so embarrassed."
"I will hold you," he gestured back.
"I think you will have to, but still I cannot do it when you are here," she managed to sign using only the one hand.
"I will look the other way." Again, he spoke in sign language.
"But, I am embarrassed," she spoke in the same manner. "What am I to do about this? Don't you understand? I am too self-conscious to do this so long as you are here."
"I understand," he signed, sweeping his hand outward, thumb up and index finger extended. "I think my sisters would feel the same. But, nature has created us all with the need to eat and to relieve ourselves. All life must do this. Also, until you are well enough, I may have to help you to do this again."
She gasped and said in English, "But, it is demeaning." She paused. "Yet," she continued, "it seems there is no other way." She sighed. There was more, and, gaining his attention—for he was not looking at her—she used her free hand in the language of sign, "I will require something to clean myself."
He responded, again using sign, "There are many leaves from the surrounding trees. They are soft and are at your feet, or use the snow."
She sighed and said in sign, "Please, can you give me some of those leaves, for I cannot bend down?"
Although he did as she asked, she could not remember a time when she had ever felt so mortified. Yet, her need was great, and when she had at last accomplished what she had to do, she cried.
She couldn't even stand on her own; she was dependent on him to hold her upright. And, the tears wouldn't stop falling down her cheeks, though they froze almost as soon as they were shed.
"I am finished," she said in English.
He nodded, as though he understood her words. Then, turning so he faced her, he pulled her up and put the robe back into place around her. Then, he hugged her, whispering in his own strange language as though to give her courage. And, though she couldn't understand him, the sound of his voice was so comforting that, for a moment, she relaxed.
And, then it happened. A part of who she was reached out to him instinctively, and she felt as though she were becoming a part of who he was. It was as though, for a moment, she became him and he, her. Indeed, in the space of an instant, she had never felt closer to any other human being.
