It was during these times of nightly stargazing when she yearned to see Amelia and Laylah again, finding she was aching for their companionship and wondering if it might always be so. Perhaps it was true that once one was a friend, the bond never ended.
And, although only a scattering of days had passed since she had left the Pikuni Indians, she found she was yearning to go back to them. Not only did she long to talk to Laylah and Amelia, she was also wishing she could see Little Dove and her two children again; she missed, too, the feeling of belonging to a family. Oddly, she even yearned again for the experience of being within the Indian encampment at night, listening to the people's laughter as it filled the evening atmosphere.
But most of all, she missed Strikes Fast…dear and beloved Strikes Fast.
At last, there it was: the truth. She missed Strikes Fast. Indeed, she longed for him over all other things, this man whose friendship had never faltered. But, there was more to it than friendship; she yearned for him, this incredibly masculine and handsome man, whose touch had caused little beads of lightning to course through her blood. In truth, Strikes Fast was almost continually in her thoughts.
She recalled again Strikes Fast's silent companionship on the very night when she had discovered David with his new wife. Sometimes she relived the shock of seeing David and the woman together, then later experienced again the utter loss of not only David, but the life she had planned for their future.
It had not been very long ago when her heart had been breaking, and not simply because of David's betrayal. She knew there would be no fixing the problem David had presented to her in so crude a manner; there would be no going back to her former way of thinking and planning for the future. No white picket fence; no family of perhaps eight children. It was all gone.
There she'd been, feeling alone, on the top of a barren butte, crying for what could now never be.
It was at this precise moment when Strikes Fast came and sat beside her. He didn't say a word in either his tongue or the gesture language. Instead, he simply took hold of her hand. Nothing more. It was as though he were trying to take her hurt onto himself, as though he were saying, "It will be all right. I'm here with you now."
And, it had helped. After he had sat beside her, she'd felt her tears become less…at least enough so she had been able to sleep. She had even awakened in his arms; it had been as though she'd found safety with him. Indeed, when he had arranged for her adoption into his family, she had thought her heart might burst with pure happiness. Oddly, she'd also felt at peace.
And now, because of David's threat, she knew she couldn't stay in the Pikuni camp. After all, by his actions, David had shown who he really was, and she knew if he were given even the tiniest chance, he would ruin her reputation. Would this, then, damage her newly found family? She was certain it would.
Would her fate then—had she stayed—have been to live as an outcast?
It had been upon this thought when she'd known that leaving was her only option.
Yet, the truth was she wished to be back there, especially when going away meant she would never know Strikes Fast's touch, would never again be able to experience the thrill of simply being with him. And, she would never know the beauty of his love.
Sharon shut her eyes. There it was again: love. Was this, then, love?
Yes. No. Maybe.
With a simple touch only weeks ago, he had set her heart to beating so fast she had felt almost out of breath. But, surely this wasn't really love, was it?
Wasn't love supposed to be calm, steady and familiar? It wasn't this yearning, this passion, this needing the other person, was it?
Or, was it?
What was it Pastor James had once said?
"Never fear the love between a man and a woman. It lives, it breathes, it yearns and it cares deeply for the other person. You will know it when it comes to you. The man you choose to be your husband will be forever in your thoughts, as you will be in his. Do not fear it. Embrace it. But, most of all, share with him freely all the love within your heart."
These were wise words; they were also words she had forgotten until now.
Did she love Strikes Fast? He was constantly in her thoughts and in her dreams. His touch had also awakened her to a passion she'd never known. And, he had stirred her soul, and now her memory of him moved her in a way she had never before known.
But, he, as well as his way of life, was not familiar to her. He was Indian. She was white. What did she really know of him? What was his concept of marriage? Was it to take only one woman?
She didn't know. The two of them were so different, and yet she could no longer deny the utter truth of her feelings toward him: she loved him. Yes, whether they shared a common society or not, she loved him…and as a woman loves a man.
She gulped down a sigh. How could she have been so blind? In the beginning, she'd honestly thought her love for Strikes Fast was one of mere friendship which had been spurred on because of his heroic actions on her behalf. After all, she had been engaged to David then, and he had made love to her…once.
Back then, she couldn't have left David, and she wouldn't have done so ever had David not already made his choice in a wife.
Yet, all the while she had been falling in love with Strikes Fast without her mind recognizing fully what was in her heart. What was it the old ones said about one's hindsight and a fool's heartfelt wishes of what could have been?
It was all very well to realize this now, but it probably didn't matter anymore. She was leaving. He was staying here.
But, though go she must, she would never forget this country nor this man who was a part of it. Somehow, without her full knowledge of it doing so, this far western land had seeped into her heart and into her soul.
She wondered further: once she was back in St. Louis, was she to become like her friend Amelia, and, with her every breath, yearn to return to these mountains and the prairie?
