"And so you see," she continued, "I am still deeply grieved by my situation. And, I fear it is too soon for me to consider marrying a man I have not known for even a full day."
He made no response to her words, not even by making a faint motion toward her.
Encouraged, Czanna cleared her throat and then continued. "Please, I am sorry to give you this answer to your proposal, but I fear it must be my response, at least until my grieving has come to an end. Yet, when one considers what has happened between us tonight, isn't it fair to believe we are quite different in our viewpoints?"
"Perhaps," he replied. "But, although I understand your words and my heart is heavy because of your loss, I do not yet know what is in your heart about what I have suggested. Can you tell it to me?"
She gulped. Indeed, she didn't quite have the courage to look at him and speak the words she knew had to be her response. And so, she stared off to the side when she said, "Well, it is this way: if we have so quickly argued over a matter that has been misunderstood between us, what would we face if we were to join together as man and wife?"
She looked back at him and saw he had raised his head to stare at her, and her stomach dropped as though a storm of butterflies had been awakened there, and for a moment—if a moment only—she wished this man would simply take her in his arms and kiss her, giving her the sympathy she seemed to require.
At length, he said, "All newly married people face these same or similar problems. Perhaps not the same, but there are many difficulties they must meet as one…if they are to be happy. But, come, you have answered a different question than the one I asked. And, although I understand your loss and the terrible thought of keeping going, I think time will not likely change your feelings about the matter of our marrying one another; although, of course, I will wait until your spirit is cleansed of the hurt you now bear. Or, are you trying to tell me no, you do not wish to become my woman, but are saying it in as kind a manner as you can?"
"Well, I…I…" Czanna shut her eyes and paused, if only to collect her thoughts. Despite what had been thrust upon her by circumstance, she needed to answer this man with what truthfully had to be her answer, but she had to do it without alienating or insulting him. At last, opening her eyes and gazing back at him, she continued, saying, "Mr. Stands Strong, I like you very much, and were our cultures not so different, my answer might be the opposite of what it must be. The truth is, I cannot marry you, because you and I have been raised so differently. And so, my answer must be no."
His response was merely one of silence.
"Forgive me, but please let me explain why this must be my answer. Whether this is right or wrong, marriage is done differently where I come from. Indeed, I have always known I would not marry for deep fondness, nor for love or passion. The manner of my upbringing has been to emphasize a woman's duty to marry in order to extend and to enrich the fortunes of both families. Marriage is not, then, a matter of the heart, but is done for the good of the family's wealth it holds in land and in coin. Please understand, I am not free to say yes to what you ask because it will not enrich the coffers of my family's wealth."
He nodded, then asked, "By fortune and wealth, do you mean the golden rock?"
"Yes."
"Soka'pii,"he said in the Pikuni tongue. "As I understand your words, marriage in your tribe is usually loveless? And it is done, not because of a bond between the man and the woman, but because the family wishes to attain more riches?"
"Yes."
He didn't answer at once. In truth, he didn't speak for several minutes. At last, however, he said, "This would mean neither thewoman nor the man would ever come to know or experience the deep commitment they would usually share in a marriage."
"Well, actually, that is not always true," she said. "Sometimes a woman and a man begin to love one another with each passing year. But, if not, because the marriage was made for the reason of wealth and not because of the heart, both a man and a woman may have love affairs. Indeed, it is even expected."
"Love affairs?"
"Yes, not marriage, but love and passion can be experienced with someone other than one's wife or husband, if one is discreet about it. Indeed, it is accepted for a man to keep a love partner, or perhaps two, if the family fortune allows it. Women may also fall in love with a man who is not her husband. But, such affairs are always to be so discreetly accomplished, no one would ever know."
For a moment, it appeared Stands Strong had become incapable of speaking whatever was on his mind, because he was silent for so long. In due time, however, he asked, "When you tell me of the love between a man and a woman who are not married to each other, do you mean the love of the body or simply the admiration one might feel for the other?"
She cleared her throat before saying, "It would be the former, as well as the other."
Again, it appeared to her as if he were stunned. At length, he muttered, "Let me ensure I understand this completely: you, a woman, would be allowed to make physical love to a man who is not your husband?"
"Yes, if it is done in secret."
Again, he appeared to be struck silent. But, in due time, he asked, "You tell me true about this? Women are allowed to have love affairs in your country?"
"Yes."
He had been looking downward, but when he brought up his head, he was frowning, and he swallowed hard before asking, "Are there penalties if the unmarried couple is discovered?"
"Sometimes," she said as she watched him closely, feeling as though she were explaining the deeds of a devil to a saint. But, whatever surprise he might have experienced at first, he appeared to quickly suppress the reaction, and his thoughts were no longer visible for her to witness upon his countenance.
Unexpectedly, an idea took hold of her, and though she tried to make the wayward thought go away, now that it was there, she could not shake the concept from her mind. It was an exotic notion, true; it was quite a sensual inspiration, too. Yet, if he were agreeable, it might be a means she could employ to repay this man for any of the hardships he would face because of agreeing to lead her family into the mountains. And, wasn't her family's safety the most important duty she carried?
Still, she hesitated, if only because it was a bold idea. And, it was also one she would have never thought to offer Stands Strong had she not already found him to be handsome, dependable and, indeed, utterly masculine. But, did she have a choice? If she were to say yes to this man's proposal of marriage, it would be as though she were destroying her former life. Although, perhaps if tides did not change in her homeland, she might have to consider turning her back completely on creating a similar life to the one she had once known and loved there.
But, at present, the idea of making her life here in America similar to the one she had known in Hungary was a concept she did not wish to destroy. Besides, hadn't she always known her married life might include an affair of the heart?
Nevertheless…
