“Why?” he asked. “Is it not better to sanction a marriage between two people who desire one another? What if we were to make a child? Is it not better to bring a child into a marriage than to have that child born without knowing his father?”
Angelia let out her breath. “Yes, you are right. But there are other problems besides that, and I?—”
“I do not understand. What does a culture have to do with it? Would your society rather that a woman be ruined than exalted?”
Angelia had no ready response to offer, and except for a slight hesitation, she continued, “It would seem so. But, Mr. Hawk, I have something else I must confess to you.”
Swift Hawk was barely listening to her—if at all—and he went on to say, “I understand that to some there will always be prejudice. There are men and women who cannot, who will not see. But even amongst the most crude peoples I have known, a woman is thought to be better off married than left to scorn.”
Angelia shrugged and repeated, “I can only tell you the way it is. It may not be right. I certainly don’t condone it, but the truth is that if we are caught as we are now, I will be ostracized and you will be hanged.”
He remained silent, and she glanced away from him, off to the side, studying the tall blades of grass. She and Swift Hawk were talking all around it, and still, she hadn’t said what she must. Where was her nerve?
Taking a deep breath and keeping her glance firmly away from him, she began, “Now, about that day…”
“Yes, my wife.”
“Please, Swift Hawk, don’t keep saying that. What makes you think we are married?”
Silently, he observed her. His look, though intense, was becoming as familiar to her as a well-read book. “In my society, when a man and a woman make their commitment to one another, they leave the village and spend many happy hours with one another, alone, except for the eyes of nature. When they do this, theyaremarried. Afterward, they return to the village and have only to announce their union publicly to make it so. But if they do not announce their marriage…”
“The girl is ruined?”
He nodded. “Haa’he.”
“I see.” Understanding began to dawn. “That is why you have been looking at me strangely these past few days. You have been waiting for me to announce our marriage to my people.”
Again, he nodded.
“Why didn’t you say something about it before now? If you had, it would have made it easier for me to… I had no idea that this is what you were doing or thinking.”
He shrugged. “I do not know every rule of the white man’s society. I realized that there is much prejudice from your people toward mine, and ours toward yours. I thought you might only be awaiting the right moment.”
“But, Swift Hawk, please. You have misunderstood. This is not the way people marry in my society. There needs to be a wedding ceremony, a preacher to marry them, and the witness of others, there within the sight of God.” She glanced at him,finding him frowning back at her. “Don’t you see? In my society, we—you and I—aren’t married. And truth be told, I never intended to marry you because of that morning.”
There, she’d said it.
Again, she glanced at him to ascertain his reaction, but because his eyes were cast toward the ground, his features were hidden from her.
However, it made little difference. Now that she had started, she needed to say it all. “Don’t you understand? What happened between us simply happened. It wasn’t something I intended, and I… Swift Hawk, forgive me, and please try to be tolerant of me. I only did what I did because…because you had saved my life, and I felt that…” She tried to say the rest, but the words wouldn’t come. Instead, she said, “It’s not that I don’t like you. I do. It’s simply thatI…owed…you…” She stopped and held her breath.
There, it was done.
At first, he didn’t move. But then, as though it took a moment for the words to have impact, he stiffened, and she thought she witnessed his chin jerk upward. She wondered if this were a sign of his temper.
She’d known he would be angry. She’d counted on it. But still, it didn’t make it any easier.
Slowly, with shoulders back, he sat upright, away from her. At once, she felt a distance, perhaps a universe, slip between them. Instinctively, she wanted his arms back around her, but she knew she had no right to ask.
Though it did occur to her to wonder if this were truly the only solution she had.
Still, she knew it had to be done. After all, she was protecting him, herself and Julian, wasn’t she?
Why did it feel so terribly, terribly wrong? She watched as Swift Hawk’s lips thinned, watched as he glanced at her, watched as something unreadable took root there, within his darkened gaze. He looked a long way down his nose at her, asthough he now placed her beneath him. To seal the impression, he crossed his arms over his chest. “You meant only to flirt with me, then? You were ‘paying me back’?”
She swallowed. She opened her mouth to reply, closed it. Darn, she couldn’t think of a thing to say in her own defense. In truth, there was none except, “Well, neither of us has spoken of love. And don’t we need to be in love to marry, anyway?” She knew it was a lie. She loved him, and she was fairly certain he felt the same way about her. But still, they hadn’t really said the words.
Chin lifted, a frown on his face, he said, “Do I have to remind you that wemadelove. And do not change the subject. Are you telling me that you were only flirting with me?”
