Again he paused. “I cannot tell you that. Someday, maybe.”
“I see. Someday,” she repeated, then inhaled deeply. “I have heard you mention before that you follow a purpose—something that fulfills your life. Surely it’s something you could tell me, isn’t it? You know that I would listen.”
He looked away from her. “If only I were free to do so. But I cannot speak of it to you.”
“I see,” she said, although she didn’t. Summoning her courage, she forced herself to smile at him lightly, as though they might have been discussing something as trivial as the weather. As lightheartedly as possible, she stated, “Well, Mr. Hawk, on that thought, I think that we both have perhaps astonished each other this day. And I must say that it only serves to strengthen my resolve that it would be best for us both if we simply tried to forget that the entire incident that morning ever happened.”
Swift Hawk’s look at her was hard and also somewhat hostile, though what he had to be hostile about at this point was not quite clear to her. “And this is what you want? As close as we have become, as much as we have shared, this is what you want?”
She gulped. “Yes, I think so. This is what I want.”
His countenance might have been a study in stonework. “You are certain?”
“I am certain.”
“Then it is done,” he said quickly, a little too easily for her comfort. “It is forgotten.”
“Good,” she said. “Good,” she repeated, as though to convince herself. “Thank you.”
Without another minute passing, Swift Hawk came up onto his feet and looked anywhere but at her. “You must go back. Others will look for you soon.”
This was it? This was all? Somehow she had expected more of something. More talk perhaps?
However, without uttering another word, he left her posthaste, keeping a pace that quickly took him away from her.
Angelia rose more slowly and followed him more leisurely, her attention replaying what she had said, how she had said it and if she might have communicated her doubts a little differently. In turning down his offer, should she have told him how her heart would beat faster whenever he was near? How a mere glimpse of him brought her happiness?
No, not when she was trying to convince him that their time together meant nothing to her; not when he so clearly didn’t love her.
It only goes to show how wrong a body can be.Thank goodness she had found out about his true feelings before she had fallen for him even harder.
Still, despite it all, she couldn’t shake the impression that she had thrown away something of great value. After all, Swift Hawk had been a friend before he had been a lover. He was also her confidante.
That’s when it occurred to her. Swift Hawk was still her friend, wasn’t he? Hewouldcontinue to help them, wouldn’t he? Surely, he would not hold this against her to the point where he would refuse to help them?
Yet, she had been wrong about him loving her. Could she be wrong about his friendship, as well? Darn. She had been so set on protecting them all that she had forgotten about Julian—at least for a moment.
Well, for Julian’s sake she had best do something about that, and she had better do it fast. Spurring herself into action, she called out, “Oh, Mr. Hawk, please wait up for me.” Lifting her skirts, she began to run, the tall grass and vines hampering her. She tripped, once, twice, and picking herself up, she called again, “Mr. Hawk, please wait up.”
But if he heard her, he didn’t pause to allow her to catch up to him, nor did he return to her. In truth, he seemed to have disappeared. After a while, she found her own way back to the caravan. After all, it wasn’t that difficult to find. She and Swift Hawk had never been out of sight of it.
What a dilemma. By solving one problem, had she created another?
Well, she would solve this one too, if that were the case. Somehow, in some way, she would resolve this mess.
But how?
Chapter
Seventeen
Frightening thunderstorms came up suddenly. They would sweep over us, and away they would go as suddenly as they had come… Looking back now it seems to me that we had a thunderstorm almost every day.
—MARIAN RUSSELL,LAND OF ENCHANTMENT: MEMOIRS OF MARIAN RUSSELL ALONG THE SANTA FE TRAIL
Swift Hawk summoned Julian to him. “Leave the buffalo to Red Fox and myself. We will finish skinning them and bring them to camp. But you must ride to the wagon train and warn the people there of the unusual storm that is coming.”
Julian nodded.
