“Not now, Sterling,” I growl, not even looking behind me to direct my words towards him. I need to be alone, need to let this anger out on something. If we were back in the ungoverned district, I’d be on my bike and heading straight for BloodLust. But I can’t take off like that now. Because that fucking girl won’t survive two seconds alone out here.
And no matter how fucked in the head I feel right now, I won’t leave Sterling out here alone, either.
I run my hands through my hair just as I reach the edge of the treeline, turning to face a large cypress tree. I rear my arm back, punching the bark of the broad trunk. The wood bites into my knuckles and I do it again. And again. And again.
By the time Sterling catches up to me, my hands are covered in sticky, red blood. He has to pull me back, forcing himself between me and the tree to get me to stop.
“Get the fuck out of my way,” I pant, fists raised and poised to keep going.
“If you want to punch something, you're going to have to punch me. I won’t let you tear your hands up on the tree.”
“How valiant of you,” I sneer.
“I don’t want to have to nurse you back to health,” he shoots back, a cold gleam in his silver eyes.
I stare him down, calling his bluff. But he doesn’t move. I drop my fists after several moments of silence, the onlynoise on the night air my heavy breaths and the steady hum of the creatures hiding in the trees. “Fine. You win.”
I turn to leave, to venture deeper into the forest, but Sterling cuts in front of me again.
“What the fuck is wrong with you, Ezekiel?”
“Funny, I’ve been wondering the same of you sincesheshowed up.”
Sterling shakes his head. “You can try and blame this on her all you want, but I see the truth in your eyes. You’re just as drawn to her as the rest of us. Why can’t you just admit it?”
“Because you’re wrong,” I argue, folding my arms over my chest. The blood on my hands soaks into the fabric of my T-shirt, but I pay it no mind. The wounds are already healing themselves and the bleeding will stop soon.
“I’m not,” Sterling half cries. “I’ve watched the way you look at her, the way you can’t help but watch her when she’s in the room with us. You’ve never denied yourself before. Why is it different with her?”
“Becasue she’s one of them!” I scream, pointing a finger back towards the cabin. “She’s the fucking daughter of the fucking Requiesse Alpha, Sterling! How could you expect me to be okay with that? After everything they’ve put us through. After everything I’ve watched them do to yo—” My words cut offas my voice breaks.
Sterling’s face softens, just slightly. But he shakes his head. “You’re wrong, Zeke. Do you know the extent of what she’s gone through? What Raziel put her through?”
“It doesn’t matter. She’s made of Watcher blood. OfAlphablood.”
“No.” Sterling steps up to me. I’ve always seen him as so small, so fragile. But out here, in the moonlight right now, he seems so incredibly different from the broken, hurting male I’ve dedicated my life to protecting. “She was used by them. Just like us. And Arcane blood flows through her veins. No matter how much you refuse to accept that. She’s not one of theirs, she’s one of us.”
I scoff, shoving past him. But Sterling grabs me by the arm, holding firm and spinning me to face him again.
“Stop hiding behind this facade, Ezekiel. Her lineage has nothing to do with this. You won’t accept her because you’rescared. Scared of how real this feels. Scared of finally having a home. A family. And I get that. It’s been just us for so long, but—” Sterling’s voice cuts off on a stifled sob, the sound piercing my chest. “Don’t you think we’ve earned it? Don’t you think it’s finally time we get somethinggood?”
Moments of silence pass between us. His face is illuminated in the rays of silvery light flitting through the heavy canopy above. Enough so that I can see the gleam of the tear as it trails down his tawny skin, over the ridge of his jaw, falling to the forest floor below.
“I can’t,” I whisper, letting my shell crack the smallest bit, begging him to let me be. To stop pushing for this. Because he’s asking for too much. And I don’t know how to explain that to him.
“I won’t accept that.” There’s no malice in his voice, no judgement. Just plain fact. I huff out an irritated laugh, swiping a hand over my face to push back my own tears threatening to spill.
He steps up to me, forcing me to retreat a few steps. He flexes his power, letting his presence surround me till the rest of the forest is drowned out and only he exists. The bark of the nearest tree bites into my back, but he doesn’t stop until he’s got his hands wrapped around my neck and his face is a heartbeat away from mine.
“You deserve to be happy.” His voice is soft, his eyes full of pain. And I realize, possibly for the first time, that it’s pain meant forme. Grief forme.I’ve spent so long trying to protect him, blinded to my own needs in order to take care of him. And yet here he is, flipping the tables on me.
“I am happy,” I assure him. But he sees right through my lie.
He shakes his head, his lips quivering ever so slightly. “No, Ezekiel. I really don’t think you are.”
My voice is low, raw as I force the lie to continue—refusing to admit to what he’s asking of me. “All I need is you.”
“It’s not. I’m not. And that’s okay.” He lets out a slow, shaky breath. “Why is it so hard for you to admit? We canhave our love, we can be each other’s world. And still wantmore.”
