“Ready to begin?” Zeke’s voice is a little too cheery at the prospect of getting to spank me, and I have half a mind to say so. But he beats me to it, his words rolling off his tongue with ease. “I am wanted.”
My stomach plummets. I swallow hard, biting my lip.
“Say it, Angel.” Sterling’s voice is soft, kind. There’s understanding in his eyes, but I can’t bring myself to say the words the way I know they want. Because if this week has proven anything—hells, if mylifehas proven anything—it’s that I am entirelyunwanted. That something is fundamentally wrong with me. Fundamentally unlovable.
The belt whizzes through the air again, landing with a sickening crack that has me stifling a pained sob.
“Lack of a response will earn you a punishment as well.” Zeke pauses. “Suppose I should have specified that ahead of time.” He runs his hand over the spot he hit, soothing the sting. “Now, I will ask you again to repeat after me. I amwanted.”
Sterling looks at me pleadingly. With the position we're in, I can’t avoid his penetrating gaze. And I realize that’s part of the reason they maneuvered me like this. I open my mouth to say what they want, knowing in my heart I don’t believe it. “I—” I stutter, my voice failing.The hesitation is enough for Zeke to bring his belt down on me a third time. I don’t even try to stifle the cry I let out, the burning pain taking over my entire body.
“Like you actually believe it, Angel. Or not at all.”
Tears swell past my lashes, sliding over my cheeks and falling to Sterling’s bare chest. He lifts a hand, swiping one away and nuzzling his palm against my face as he offers me a grief-filled smile.
He says nothing, but every ounce of love and care he’s ever shared for me passes with that one look. All the kind words he’s said, all the emotions he’s ever made me feel. It all envelops me, pushing down the darkness that’s taken me over.
I nod, blinking away tears. “I am"—I release a shuddering breath—"wanted.”
It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to say, and I’m still not sure I believe it. But I can tell Sterling does. I cling to that, hoping it’s enough to win Zeke’s approval.
Zeke hums, considering, running his hand over my tender ass. His fingers dip between my thighs, teasing me. “A good start. But I need to hear it again.”
I close my eyes, trying to rein in my reaction. I hate him for doing this. It's too painful to repeat. “And if I refuse?” I ask, surprising even myself with my boldness.
Zeke stills behind me, and I think he must be shocked by my response, but then the belt is slicing into me again, jolting me forward. “Does that answer your question?”
“You don’t understand,” I bite back, cranking my head over my shoulder to try and get a good look at him. “You don’t know what I’ve done. Why youcan’tbe with me.” I turn my head back to face Sterling. “Either of you.”
“Angel.” Sterling’s voice breaks, lifting his hands to cup my face. “What in the world are you talking about?”
I press my lips together to try and still the quivering. “I told you, I’m not an angel. I'm a curse. Everything I touchrots. I can’t ruin things between the two of you. I won’t let myself.”
“So tell me what you’ve done.” Zeke’s voice is firm, brittle, behind me. I tuck my head into my collarbone, trying to suppress the sob stuck in my throat as I shake my head.
“Ezekiel.” Sterling’s voice is low, warning.
“Let her answer.”
But I don’t. I just press my face deeper into the hollow of my chest, hoping he’ll let this pass.
“Come on then, Evangeline. If you're as bad as you claim, tell me what terrible things you’ve done.” He presses his hand against the small of my back. It’s a small motion, but there’s so much stiffness in his fingers, so much restraint as he holds himself back. And somehow, it’s enough to pull the truth from me.
“I am tainted, stained. An abomination.” The word sours on my tongue, remembering all the times my father used it against me. Hot, bitter tears spill down my cheeks.
“Are we not all?” Zeke scoffs. “If you’re going to be self-deprecating, at least have the creativity to come up with something more original.” He brings the belt down against me again. I cry out, the noise a mixture of both physical and emotional pain.
“Evangeline.” Sterling’s soft voice cuts through to me and I lift my head to find his eyes. “You know what to do if you want this to stop. All you have to do is say the word.”
I hold his gaze, watching the silver of his eyes as it twines around streaks of grey and black. There’s so much in his stare. Sorrow, love, pain, grief. But more than anything I see belief. Belief in me, in Zeke. In what the three of us could be. He told me Zeke could help me. And as much as this hurts, I know I need the help. I’ve been burying all of the shit that has happened to me. And now it’s festering into a monster I can no longer ignore.
But that work echoes in my mind, tempting me to call it out, to let this end once and for all.
Arcane.
Arcane.
Arcane.
