He nodded against my hair. Held me harder. We sat likethat for a long time; the coffee going cold on the side table, the late October light shifting across the rug.
Eventually, I tipped my face up to his.
He kissed me before I asked. Soft. Closed-mouth. The kind of kiss that wasn’t an invitation, just a place to put a feeling.
I kissed him again. Less soft.
“Jett.”
“I’m not running.” My forehead pressed against his. “I want to ask you for something.”
He pulled back enough to read my face. His eyes were the green-brown they went at low light. The careful Ellis tic kicked in. The thumb sweep across his lower lip.
“Tell me.”
I dropped my hand to his thigh.
“I want you to have me.”
His breath hitched. I caught it on my mouth.
“Have you.”
“Inside me.” My voice cracked low on it. “I want you to.”
He went very still.
“Jett, I’ve never. With a guy. Once. A while ago. Before I knew what I was doing.”
“I know.” My forehead stayed pressed to his. “That’s why I want you to be my first, too.”
He went stiller, if that was possible. His mouth opened. Closed. Opened. His thumb stilled mid-sweep.
“Your first?”
My heart was a frantic thing. Loud enough I was sure he’d feel it through my ribs.
“Never let anyone. Couldn’t.”
“Couldn’t?”
“Didn’t trust it.” The words came out small. Smaller than I’d ever letthem be. “Didn’t trust them. I trust you.”
His hand came up. Cupped the back of my neck. His thumb pressed a slow circle into the knot at the base of my skull, the one he’d learned was always there.
“Jett.” His voice came rough. “Are you sure tonight is the night?”
“Tonight.” I caught his hand and brought it to my mouth. Kissed his knuckles. “I’ve been holding this since the first time. I don’t want to wait through another mom call.”
He swallowed.
“Okay.” His voice was reverent and rough. “Okay. Tell me what to do.”
I stood. Took his hand. Pulled him off the couch. We crossed the apartment together, his bedroom door already open, his hand warm in mine. The room filled with the scent of sandalwood from the candle.
“Light or dark?”
“Light.”
