A laugh bursts out of me before I can stop it.It’s sharp, humorless, and a little unhinged.“You didn’t even let me finish.”
“I know where this is going.”
“Do you?”
“Yes.”
“Then tell me.”
His jaw tightens.“You want to use yourself as bait.”
The word bait hits harder than I expect because he is right.Because I hate that he is.Because some part of me already made the decision the second I saw the envelope.
“They want me back,” I say.“That gives us leverage.”
“That gives them a target.”
“I already am one.”
The black floods his eyes so fast that Cruz takes a step forward.
Knox doesn’t look away from me.“No.”
There it is again.That fucking word.
Something inside me snaps, not loudly or dramatically.It’s quieter than that.Worse.A thread pulled too tight finally giving way.
I step around the bar.Knox tracks every movement, body locking like mine is a blade coming for his throat.Maybe it is.
I stop close enough to make him uncomfortable but not close enough to touch.
“I need you to understand something,” I say.
His voice is rough.“I am trying.”
“No.You are trying to control yourself.That’s not the same as understanding me.”
Pain flashes through his face, and I hate that I notice.I hate even more that I care.
He swallows whatever he wants to say.“Then explain.”
The fact that he asks rather than arguing takes some of my anger away.Not all of it, though.
“They took everything they could reach,” I say.“My blood.My sleep.My body’s sense of safety.My ability to stand in a room without counting exits.They made me afraid of curtains, Knox.Curtains.”
His hands curl into fists at his sides.I keep going because stopping now might kill me.
“And now they want me back.Not because I am special in some beautiful, magical way.Not because I matter.Because I overheard something.Because I am useful.Valuable.A thing misplaced.”
“You aren’t a thing.”
“I know that.”My voice cracks, and I despise it.“I know that here.”I tap my temple.“But my body is slower.My body still waits for the door to open.It still expects hands.It still thinks surviving means being very quiet and very still until the monsters are done.”
Knox’s face looks carved from pain.Good, let him hear me.Let all of them hear me.
“If I hide upstairs while you all fight for me, then some part of me stays in that room.Some part of me keeps waiting.I can’t live like that.”
“You don’t have to be bait to prove you survived.”
