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‘My type hasn’t been a runaway success before.’
‘Your type,’ her sister answered tartly, ‘has always been a guy who screws with you. Don’t do it again, Zoe. Aaron will break your heart and he won’t even care.’
She blinked at this blatant truth. ‘He would care,’ she said softly. But he would still do it.
Millie was silent and Zoe could almost hear her sister’s mind spinning. ‘When did this happen?’
‘The night of your wedding, actually.’
‘The night—? You mean—?’
‘I’m pregnant, Millie.’
Another long silence, and this one was awful. Zoe wondered if Millie was thinking about her own daughter. ‘I’m sorry,’ she finally said and Zoe stiffened.
‘I’m not. I want to have this baby.’
‘You do? But—’
‘But what?’
‘Well, I’m surprised,’ Millie said carefully. ‘Your life isn’t exactly—’
‘That’s just what Aaron said.’
‘So you’ve told Aaron that you’re pregnant?’
Zoe blew out a breath. ‘Well, since I’m living with him, yes.’
‘Why are you living with him? I mean, he doesn’t seem the kind to—’
‘He asked me.’
‘Really.’ Millie sounded completely disbelieving and, even though Zoe knew her sister’s scepticism was certainly warranted, she still felt a stab of irritation. Was it so hard to believe that Aaron might want to be with her? That something between them could actually work?
‘He wants to be involved,’ she said stiffly. ‘As a father.’
‘Okay.’ Millie was silent again, clearly processing this. ‘You know we’ll help you, Zoe—Chase and I. You don’t have to rely on Aaron. I mean, if you need money or whatever.’
‘I don’t need money.’ Zoe swallowed. This conversation was going all wrong. She felt wrong, like Millie was ruining something she hadn’t even realised was precious. ‘Actually, Aaron’s asked me to marry him.’
Millie said nothing, which somehow was worse than if she’d exploded again. ‘Millie?’ she finally asked. ‘Aren’t you going to say something?’
‘I don’t know what to say.’
‘You sound like Mum.’
‘Sorry.’ Millie let out a sigh. ‘I mean, marriage—and you barely know him.’
‘How long did you know Chase before you realised you loved him?’ Zoe retorted. She knew it had been less than a week. She and Aaron had more history than that now.
‘That’s different,’ Millie protested. ‘That was Chase. And this is Aaron.’
‘So? They’re both Bryants.’
‘Yes, but Chase is—Well, he’s a good person, Zoe. He’s funny and charming and I knew right from the beginning that he would never want to hurt me.’
‘Well, guess what?’ Zoe answered, and heard her voice shake. ‘I know that, too. Aaron doesn’t want to hurt me, Millie. He wants to do the right thing. Desperately.’
‘I’m sorry. I know I must sound terribly judgemental—’
‘Yes. You do.’
Millie sighed again. ‘I just don’t want to see you hurt, Zoe. I love you, and I’ve seen too many guys put you through the wringer. Guys with a lot less money, power and arrogance than Aaron Bryant.’
‘I’m not going to get hurt this time.’ Zoe knew she was speaking with more conviction than she truly felt. ‘I’m walking into this with my eyes open.’
‘What do you mean? Does he—does he love you?’
And there was the hollow heart of it, Zoe thought, the bitter root. ‘No.’
‘So why—?’
‘It’s best for the baby.’
‘And you believe that? When you know we’ll help you—Mum and Dad too?’
‘I don’t want to be my family’s charity case,’ Zoe said quietly. ‘But that’s not why I’m thinking of marrying him. I want my own life, Millie. My own family. I’ve spent the last ten years chasing the rainbow and I’m starting to believe it doesn’t exist.’
‘It does, Zoe.’
‘For you, maybe. But, knowing the way I am, the way I always insist on falling in love with the wrong guy, maybe it’s better to have a relationship where that isn’t even an option.’
‘But how do you know that’s how it will be?’ Millie asked in a low voice. ‘How do you know you won’t fall in love with him?’
‘I’ll just have to keep myself from it,’ Zoe answered, and she knew her sister heard the aching bleakness in her voice.
She was still mulling over the question when she went to her session at the community centre. She had Robert again today. Over the last few weeks he’d made a little progress, and had opened up a bit about the anxiety he felt at not seeing his father.
‘He’s just so far away,’ he said quietly as he carefully coloured in a huge, endless ocean of blue on his paper. Zoe nodded in understanding. Robert’s father had moved to California, farther than the little boy could even grasp, and yet he’d still feel the separation if his father lived in Brooklyn. Sometimes distance didn’t matter. The orientation of your heart did.
And, whether Aaron was in California or on the Upper West Side, she might always feel as if he were an ocean away, Zoe thought as she cleaned up after Robert had left the centre. Could she live with that kind of emotional distance?
‘Hello, Zoe.’
She turned in surprise to see the man in question standing in the doorway of the art room. ‘What are you doing here?’
‘I thought I ought to see where you worked.’
She smiled, unaccountably thrilled that he’d made the effort. ‘Well, here it is.’
He took a step into the room, seeming to dominate the space, and glanced around at the child-sized tables, the buckets of markers and crayons, the spills of glitter and paint. ‘Any breakthroughs today?’
‘It’s more about little steps.’
He nodded. ‘I’d agree with that. I saw you working with that little boy.’ He nodded towards the table. ‘He seemed sad.’
‘He is sad. Life’s been tough for him lately.’
‘And the drawing’s helping?’
‘I think so. It helps him to accept the way things are, and that it’s okay to be sad.’
He nodded slowly. ‘That’s a big one, isn’t it?’
Her heart lurched; she knew how difficult it was for Aaron to talk about his emotions. With a smile to show she was sort of teasing, she gestured to the tub of crayons. ‘You could have a go.’
‘Maybe I should. It seems to work.’ He didn’t move and Zoe waited, sensing he wanted to say something more. ‘Zoe, I don’t think I handled our conversation well this morning.’
‘You don’t?’
‘I only mean to say…I will try.’
He gazed at her, looking both vulnerable and determined, and Zoe’s heart squeezed. ‘Try what?’ she asked softly.
‘Try to make this work between us. I’m not—I don’t think I’m capable of loving someone. I’ve never…’ He shook his head with a touch of the old impatience. ‘That’s never been a part of my life. But I want to make a marriage between us work. I want to make you happy, if you agree.’
‘Oh, Aaron.’ She blinked back sudden tears. His reluctant confession and barely made promise should hardly have moved her to tears, but it did, because she knew how much such intimacy cost him. How much he meant it.
‘You’ve already decided, haven’t you?’ he said, and she knew from the flatness of his tone he thought she was turning him down.
‘Yes, I have.’ Zoe took a breath. ‘I’ll marry you.’
‘You will?’ Aaron looked so slack-jawed that she let out a trembling laugh.
‘Surprise.’
‘I—I thought you’d hold out,’ he said. ‘For love.’
‘I’ve been holding out for love for ten years and I haven’t found it yet.’
‘I didn’t think you were one to give up.’
I’m not. No, she could not think like that. She absolutely could not think like that, not if she wanted to have any chance at all of making this work. She needed to accept just how little Aaron thought he could give. She smiled and arched her eyebrows. ‘Are you trying to convince me not to marry you?’
‘No.’ He took a step towards her. ‘No, of course not. I’m just surprised.’
‘Good surprised, I hope?’
‘Yes.’ He took another step towards her, and then another, and then he stopped, like he couldn’t go any farther, or maybe because he felt he’d gone far enough.
A kiss would have been nice, Zoe thought. A touch. But Aaron stood on the other side of the room and just stared. ‘We’ll work out the details,’ he said and she rolled her eyes.
‘Just another business contract?’
‘There are some similarities.’
She laughed, or tried to, because the tangle of emotions had knotted in her chest and suddenly it hurt to breathe. To think. What had she done? What had she agreed to, committing her life to this man?
