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Quickly Aaron slipped from the seat and walked back to the bow of the boat. It was time to tack.
Zoe watched Aaron walk away from her, every muscle in his body taut with tension. He’d said too much, she thought with a sigh. At least, he felt he had. She sat there, the sun still streaming over her, and let him go. Maybe he needed a little distance.
She knew her fatal tendency in relationships was to push. Demand or beg, it didn’t matter which, but she got desperate and needy and no one liked that, not even herself. It was a legacy from Tim’s betrayal, that she insisted on believing in love even as all her history said otherwise.
She watched Aaron do something with the sail—she really didn’t know a thing about boats—and admired his long, lean torso, the wind pressing his polo shirt hard against the muscles of his chest. He squinted in the sun, his dark hair ruffled by the wind, and Zoe felt a surge of longing so deep and powerful it left her aching. The no-sex thing was going to be hard.
Dr Adams had told her she needed to have a check-up before he gave the all-clear, and since her surgery Zoe hadn’t given it so much as a thought. Sex had been just about the furthest thing from her grief-stricken mind. Now, however, even though the grief was still there and always would be, she felt a fresh desire roll through her and remembered just how good sex with Aaron had been. Making love.
Would it be different, now that they cared more about each other? The thought sent another thrill ricocheting through her. It would be even more intense, more wonderful, more everything.
Smiling at the thought, she rose from the bench and joined him at the sail.
‘I have no idea what you’re doing,’ she remarked and Aaron raised his eyebrows.
‘Do you want a lesson?’
‘Not particularly. I like watching you, though. You look all manly and heroic.’
He let out a short laugh, shaking his head. Zoe was surprised and a little bit touched to see a faint blush tinge his cheekbones with colour. He was a man of authority and power, yet also one unused to receiving compliments, even teasing, lighthearted ones.
They kept the conversation casual as Aaron managed the sail, and eventually navigated the little craft to a sheltered cove on the other side of St Julian’s.
He brought out a picnic basket and laid a blanket on the sun-warmed deck of the boat. Zoe stretched out on it while Aaron served her delicacies from one of the resort’s restaurants—calamari and coconut shrimp; plantain accras; fritters; baked goat-cheese. They washed it all down with champagne, and ate succulent slices of fresh guava, papaya and passionfruit for dessert.
‘So how did you end up with a whole island to yourself?’ Zoe asked as they ate, gazing out at The secluded side of St Julian’s, the dense foliage fringing a white sand beach.
‘Not exactly myself,’ Aaron answered. ‘The island is owned jointly by my brothers and me.’
‘Even Chase?’
‘Even Chase. The island belonged to my grandfather and he left it directly to the three of us.’
‘Has it been in your family forever?’
‘Hardly. The Bryant fortune isn’t that old. My grandfather made most of it.’ He lapsed into a sudden silence, his eyes narrowing as he gazed into the distance.
‘And you and your father just added to the coffers?’
A pause, telling in its length. ‘Something like that.’
Zoe took a breath, wanting more. Wanting to understand this man she was just beginning to realise was unsettlingly complex. ‘Why do you hate your job, Aaron?’ she asked quietly.
He tensed but said nothing. Zoe waited. She really didn’t want to press, but neither was she willing to let it go. If they were going to attempt some kind of relationship, she needed more. She needed to know him.
‘Hate was probably too strong a word,’ he finally said—his voice deliberately mild, Zoe thought. ‘I didn’t choose it, put it that way.’
Zoe considered this. When he’d said he hated it, she’d felt those words come from somewhere deep inside him, somewhere she didn’t think he accessed all that often. And she was just about a hundred percent certain they were true.
‘If you hadn’t been born a Bryant,’ she asked after a moment, ‘what career path do you think you would have taken?’
Aaron shrugged. ‘Who knows. I never thought about it.’
‘Never?’
‘Never,’ he said flatly.
‘Is that what you don’t like? The lack of choice?’
‘What I didn’t like,’ Aaron said, the words coming sharp and sudden, ‘was being lied to. Over and over again, so my whole life was built on nothing but deception.’ He shook his head and then began clearing up the picnic things. ‘Enough about this. I don’t like to talk about it.’
‘About what—Bryant Enterprises? Your family? Your life?’ She heard the sharp edge to her own voice and realised that somehow they’d started arguing.
Aaron shot her a narrow glance. ‘I told you I didn’t know how much I had to give, Zoe.’
She felt her inside freeze, like he’d tipped a bucket of ice water straight into her soul. ‘And, less than one day in, you’re already tapped out?’
‘I don’t know.’ He pressed his fists against his eyes, his expression one of almost physical pain. ‘Damn it, I don’t know.’
She’d done it again, Zoe thought. Pushed and pushed for more, because she didn’t know how to stop. Because she couldn’t let things take their natural course. This was day one, for heaven’s sake. She could have been a little more patient.
Gently she reached over, put her hands over his and drew them down from his face. ‘I’m sorry, Aaron.’
‘Sorry?’
‘For pushing you into talking about yourself when you’re not ready.’
He glanced away. ‘I’m sorry I’m not ready.’
‘I have this terrible tendency to push,’ Zoe confessed with a shaky laugh. ‘I should tell you about it right up-front, I suppose.’
‘Push?’
‘I always ask for more out of a relationship.’ She let out another laugh, just as shaky. ‘You should see the expression on your face. I know, it’s pretty much poison to most commitment-phobes.’
‘Are you calling me a commitment-phobe?’
‘You and every other man I’ve dated.’
‘And you think it’s them—or you?’
‘Both.’ She hugged her knees to her chest, half amazed that she was admitting this to anyone, much less Aaron. She only hoped he didn’t run a mile when he heard about all of her craziness. ‘Have you ever been in a high place and had a weird urge to jump off, just because you could? Like in a tower or on a mountain or something?’
Aaron’s mouth quirked in a small, surprised smile. ‘Umm…sort of.’
‘Apparently it’s fairly common. Well, I have that urge when it comes to relationships.’
‘To jump?’
‘Exactly.’ She sighed, knowing she needed to explain everything. Even Tim. ‘I’ve had four serious relationships, which at my age may not seem that many, but in some ways it was four too many.’
‘How so?’
‘I flung myself into each one without really thinking things through, wondering if the guy I was with was right for me, or even right at all. Honourable.’
‘Honourable?’ Aaron frowned, the effect quite ferocious. ‘What kind of guys did you date, Zoe?’
‘Jerks, mainly, but I convinced myself I loved each and every one of them. Maybe I really did love them. I’m not sure I know the difference.’
‘I can’t help you with that one,’ Aaron said quietly and she felt her heart twist because, really, what was she doing here with a man who had already told her he would never love her? That he couldn’t?
‘I rushed into each relationship, determined to make it work. And of course it didn’t.’
‘Of course? Is it so obvious?’
‘Well, Millie always joked that I picked the absolute biggest commitment-phobic toe-rags to date, and she’s probably right. I think I actually did it on purpose, on a subconscious level at least. If the guy wasn’t that good to begin with, it wasn’t my fault if it didn’t work out.’ She paused, took a breath. ‘That part’s probably because of Tim.’
Aaron stilled, as if he sensed the importance of that confession. ‘Tim?’
‘My fiancé.’
He didn’t move, his expression didn’t even change, but Zoe still felt his shock. ‘You were engaged?’
‘For about two weeks.’ She smiled ruefully, although even now, three years later, the memories still hurt. ‘We dated for a year before that, though.’
‘What happened?’
‘He dumped me.’ She tried for insouciance and knew she didn’t quite manage it. ‘Because his boss told him to.’
‘What?’
‘Yeah, I know, right? In the twenty-first century and everything.’ She shook her head. ‘Tim was in finance, some kind of investment thing.’
‘Hedge-fund manager?’ Aaron guessed with a ghost of a smile and Zoe laughed.
‘No, but same ball park. To tell you the truth, I never quite got what he did. That was probably part of the problem.’
