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‘You need to give him time. People don’t change overnight.’
‘I know that. And I’m trying not to push but—I’m scared. I don’t want to be hurt again, and worse this time, because I care more for Aaron than anyone else—even Tim.’
Millie frowned. ‘Even Tim?’
Zoe thought of what Aaron had said: I think you don’t like admitting weakness or failure to anyone, even the people who love you. He was right, she knew; he was right because he was the same. I know how that feels. ‘I never told you about Tim,’ she said, and then slowly she began to tell the story of her ex-fiancé.
‘I wish you’d told me when it happened,’ Millie said when Zoe had finished. ‘I know the timing was bad, but still…’
‘I didn’t tell anyone.’
‘There’s something I never told you,’ Millie said quietly. ‘About Rob.’
‘Rob?’ Millie didn’t talk much about her former husband; as far as Zoe had ever known, they’d had a great relationship.
‘When I was pregnant with Charlotte, he wanted me to have an abortion.’
Zoe’s mouth dropped open. ‘So you know how that feels.’
‘It wasn’t the right time, he felt. We still had so much to prove in our careers. I almost went along with him.’ She was silent for a long moment. ‘I even made an appointment. I walked out of it at the last minute—I still feel guilty about it sometimes.’
‘Oh, Mills.’ Zoe shook her head. ‘Aaron told me I was too hard on myself, and I think you are, too.’
‘That’s what Chase says,’ Millie admitted with a small smile.
‘Those Bryant brothers. They know what they’re talking about.’
Millie leaned forward, her face turning serious. ‘Do you love him, Zoe?’
Zoe swallowed, the question reverberating inside her, as well as its undeniable answer. ‘I’m afraid I do.’
Now as she walked towards the subway to go to her art-therapy session, she wondered why she’d said it like that: I’m afraid I do.
Was love that scary? Yes, it most certainly was. It was terrifying…especially when Aaron had made no promises. He’d already told her he didn’t know how much he had to give, that he wasn’t even sure he could love. When there had been a baby to consider, Zoe had thought she could accept those conditions.
But now…now she knew she’d been fooling herself. Those conditions were terrible, and she could never accept them. Never live with them, day after endless day. Maybe she’d convinced herself before that she could because part of her had already been falling for him, was already desperate.
But now, for once, she wanted to be strong. She didn’t want to make the same mistake over and over again—falling for a guy who was all wrong for her, who would never love her back, and this time so much harder.
If I was stronger, I would end it now.
Give it time.
Yet how much time? How much possibility for pain? She took a deep breath, let it out slowly. She had no answer to those questions.
Aaron drummed his fingers against his thigh as his limo sped towards Millie and Chase’s townhouse on Central Park West, where he was picking up Zoe for an evening out.
He felt as if there were bands of steel wrapped around his skull, tightening with every second. The two weeks he’d spent on St Julian’s had been costly, perhaps more costly than he’d ever know. Someone was continuing to make a move on Bryant Enterprises, buying up shares, skulking in the background. Meanwhile the uncertain economy in Europe and Asia was wreaking havoc on the funds Aaron managed. He felt as if he were teetering on a precipice of disaster, and his only salvation was Zoe.
Had his father felt like this, with his legion of mistresses? Had he only been able to find peace and even sanity with the women who had controlled and ultimately ruined him?
And would Aaron be the same?
During the last weeks with Zoe, he’d fought against that fear. His father had led his business, his family and even his life into disaster because of his attachment to women—and one woman in particular. When Aaron had discovered his father’s weakness, he’d vowed not to share it. Not to give anyone control over him, not to need anyone that much, and certainly not to love.
Yet Zoe was breaking through all those boundaries, breaking him. He needed her, maybe even loved her.
No.
The denial was instinctive, necessary. It was how he’d lived his life. Could he really change that much? Did he even want to?
The limo pulled up in front of Chase and Millie’s brownstone. ‘I’ll just be a minute,’ Aaron said tersely, and with his mind still in a ferment he went to fetch Zoe.
She was still getting ready upstairs when Aaron arrived and he spent a few awkward moments with Chase, conscious now of Zoe’s question: Why aren’t you close with your brothers?
He never had been, even as a child. he’d been set apart from an early age, too early for him actually to remember. He was the oldest, the most responsible, the one who had to be in charge. And when his father had died and he’d realised just what that meant, what it would cost, that had driven him and his brothers even further apart.
Now Chase smiled easily and cracked open a beer. ‘How’s it going?’
‘Fine,’ Aaron said tersely. He could not relax. Not with Chase, and perhaps not even with Zoe. He felt the pressure build inside his head, inside his heart. He wanted her, needed her—and that terrified him.
Chase arched an eyebrow. ‘You sure about that?’
‘I’m sure, Chase.’
‘Everything’s good with BE?’
Aaron’s mouth twisted. He did not want to talk about Bryant Enterprises with Chase, or with anyone. He did not even want to think about it. ‘Everything’s fine, Chase.’
Chase shrugged and nodded. ‘And you’d tell me if it wasn’t.’
No, of course he wouldn’t. ‘What is this?’ Aaron arched an eyebrow sardonically. ‘It’s not like we’ve had heart-to-hearts in the past, Chase.’
‘Always a good time to start.’
Aaron shook his head. ‘I have nothing to say. I’m fine. Bryant Enterprises is fine.’ He felt his throat constrict and silently cursed. What was wrong with him? Zoe was making him weak, needy. Desperate. ‘Damn it, everything’s fine,’ he said hoarsely, and turned away.
Chase, thankfully, didn’t reply, and a few minutes later Zoe came downstairs. Aaron viewed her as if through a haze; he felt his temples throb and the pressure inside him intensify. Yet still he could acknowledge how beautiful she looked: her hair was swept to one side with a sparkly clip and she wore an off-the-shoulder gown in a deep blue that made her eyes shine. She smiled as she came down the stairs, but dimly he registered there was something tentative about her smile, something almost wary. Then he realised he was scowling.
Damn. Already this evening felt like it was going wrong. Somehow he forced the corners of his mouth up into a smile. ‘You look beautiful.’
‘Thank you.’ She still looked uncertain but as Millie joined Chase in the foyer Zoe lifted her chin and took his arm. With a nod to his brother and sister-in-law, Aaron stepped out into the night.
Zoe could feel the tension in Aaron’s body, his arm like a steel bar under her hand. She waited until they were in the limo, speeding downtown towards the exclusive club where Aaron had been invited for a cocktail party, to ask the question that hammered inside her heart.
‘What’s wrong?’
‘Nothing.’
‘Aaron.’ She turned to him, tried to make out his expression in the shadowy darkness of the car. Streetlights washed his face in pale yellow every few seconds. She saw how tight-lipped and hard-eyed he looked, and felt her heart quail. Surely it—they—weren’t starting to unravel already. Yet, looking at Aaron’s hard profile, she felt as if they were. ‘Something’s obviously wrong,’ she said quietly. ‘And if you don’t want to talk about it, just say so.’
‘Fine,’ Aaron answered tersely. ‘I don’t want to talk about it.’
Well, she’d asked for that one. Zoe felt her nails dig into her palms. ‘Fine,’ she said, trying to sound calm, but a petulant note crept into her voice and she turned to the window.
Don’t overreact, she told herself. Don’t assume it’s just like every time before. Give it time, like Millie said. Yet she desperately craved reassurance, for Aaron to say anything that would bridge the chasm that was widening between them. He didn’t speak.
‘I went to the doctor today,’ she said after a few minutes when they’d been stuck at a traffic light on Park Avenue for a while. Aaron turned to her.
‘Is everything okay?’
‘Yes.’ She took a breath, plunged. ‘I’ve been given the allclear.’ She waited and Aaron just stared. ‘You know.’
‘I know?’ he asked, and to her amazement she thought she heard a teasing note in his voice. She felt a tidal wave of relief crash over her.
‘Don’t you?’ she teased back, and in the wash of the streetlights she saw Aaron’s smile.
‘I hope I do.’ She felt his hand on her shoulder, then stealing around her neck. He drew her to him and kissed her softly on the lips. ‘Tonight?’ he whispered. ‘If you’re ready?’
