I’d made the comment in passing.“Because—”
“You’re leaving?”Cassie butted in.
Everyone at the table stared at me.“Nothing has been decided.”
“But why?”Marcus asked.
I glanced at Lucas.I wasn’t sure how much he wanted out there.
“Valerie and I have a past,” Lucas commented.
I guess that was a good way of putting it.
“So what?”Josh rolled his eyes.
“Behave, you idiot.”Dean nudged Josh.
Cassie glanced at me.“Friends or romantically?”
Well, at least Cassie was a little more subtle than the others.“Both,” I said.We were friends before we became lovers.
“To put any speculation or potential gossip to rest, I take the blame for the original break up.”
I stared at Lucas.My breath caught in my throat at his intense stare.Who was he trying to convince?Me?
“It was my fault; I was scared and ran off.I’m not going to walk away this time.”His tone was as fierce as his gaze.
What the… Oh, hell no!
How dare he do this now.I’ve only just met these people, and he has the nerve to pull something like this?What are they going to think?I couldn’t come up with anything to say.
“So sweet,” Emma said as she laid her head on Asher’s shoulder.
“Maybe we should take this somewhere more private,” I told Lucas quietly.Airing our dirty laundry in front of his friends wasn’t my idea of casual Friday night conversation.And the anger was getting more difficult to suppress.
He shook his head.“By declaring this in front of my friends, I want you to see I’m serious.”
“By embarrassing me?”
“No.”
Everything in me tightened.I didn’t know what to do.Should I believe him?Or protect my heart?Could I do both?And there was the anger over this stunt.I couldn’t think, and the harder I tried to process everything, the more confused I felt.I opened my mouth, but nothing came out.My brain had shut down.
My breathing quickened as a tremor went through my body.Oh fuck, a panic attack.I hadn’t had one of these in years, yet a week with Lucas and all my insecurities came flooding back.“Excuse me.”I pushed back from the table and almost ran from the pub.
Outside, I leaned against the building, trying to get my breath and my heart rate under control.I thought I had my attacks under control or at least managed to cope with them.Having one now told me how foolish I was to allow myself to believe he’d changed.
I closed my eyes, fighting to breathe and settle my body down.
Valerie, pull yourself together.Breathe through it.He only has the power you choose to give him.You’re in control.
I kept repeating the self-help mantra.I finally got my breathing under control, and I could feel my heart rate slow down.Finding out I was working with Lucas had set me on edge, and tonight’s declaration kicked what little stability I’d managed to re-establish right out from under me.That vulnerability scared the hell out of me.
I took a deep breath and stood straighter.The past was over.I’d survived the heartbreak.Regardless of his declaration, I wasn’t going to give him the opportunity to hurt me again.
Chapter Seven
Lucas
