I shook my head.“I was about to turn thirty; I think it was a mini mid-life crisis.”Lame, but it was the only explanation I could come up with.
“I thought you didn’t get to mid-life crisis until you were close to fifty.”
“Maybe.I don’t know.All I do know is I panicked and got scared of what was happening between us.I still had a lot going on with Mindy, and I didn’t have a firm career path.”There was so much pressure at the time, and I was drowning in the sea of it.Now I could see things better.
“Lucas, you graduated with honors for your MBA.”
She didn’t believe me.“I did, but it took me longer than it should have.”Valerie reached over and touched my arm.
“You were working to pay for your schooling and your sister’s.You should have cut yourself a break.”
Her fierce defense surprised me.“All true, but that doesn’t excuse what happened.I let you down.”Hell, I let myself down.
“I’m not going to deny that.”Her fingers tightened around my forearm.“Thinking back, I can see how you might have had some sort of mid-life crisis.You were dealing with a lot, what with working long hours.And turning thirty is a milestone for some men.”
“And it’s not for women?”
“Thirty didn’t really bother me, but I know with other women it does.”
“Why didn’t it bother you?”I was curious, especially since she’d turned thirty last year.Yes, I’d kept track of her birthday.Funny how I did that without thinking about it.
She shrugged.“I don’t know.Maybe because I was happy with my life, and I’m not a dominant male.”
I froze.“What gives you the impression I’m still a Dominant?”
She laughed.“Lucas, remember how much you loved restraining me when we had sex?”
“Just because I restrained you doesn’t mean I’m dominant.”
“Oh please.It’s obvious.”
“How?”Yes, I was dominant with a little bit of kink, but what was she seeing?Did other women see the dominant tendency?Is that why they flirted with me?
“The way you walk, the way you’re protective, and I’m pretty sure working for a company like Fantasies, Inc., even if you don’t use their services, brings it out more.”
“It does.But it’s more than that.”We never really talked about my dominant tendencies when we were together.It was important we did now.
“I’m sure it is.But back to the original question.”She shifted.“Us starting over.”
I leaned forward.
“I’m willing, but I need to take it slowly.”
I barely heard past the “I’m willing” but forced myself to process her words.“I can agree to taking it slowly, but I want to make sure we’re on the same page.”
“We keep things businesslike at work.”
“And after hours?”I could deal with being professional at work.
“I have no problem with us going out to dinner or a movie.”
I tangled my fingers with hers as she hesitated.“And?”
“I don’t know.”
“Is sex off the table?”My body was already on fire for hers, but I’d douse the flames until she was ready even if it meant cold showers every day.
“At this moment, yes.I need some time, Lucas.I need to learn to trust you again.To trust myself when I’m with you.”
