Having a full belly puts me at ease, so when I fully roll out my bedroll, it’s a little easier to relax. Even so, a part of me regrets setting up so near the river. Over the rush of water, I may not be able to hear anyone coming down the road.
But no moon’s made an appearance yet, and it gets dark quick in the mountains. I don’t think anyone save for Cancassi could see me or the horses in the blackness as the fire burns down. With how hard I pushed the horses today, I’m sure I have at least that much of a head start.
Though even as I worry about a potential pursuit, I think I’d feel worse if... no one came. The thought is backwards as hell, but for some reason, the idea of Arlon and the Crux just letting me go hurts worse than the thought of them trying to get me back.
That old voice is louder now, repeating every doubt I’ve ever had, resurrecting the thought that I don’t belong at the Crux. That I never did.
I force them all aside even as I lay back, pulling my pack close to use as a pillow. The sky overhead shines bright with stars, and there’s a comfort in the stillness of it all. It helps calm my racing thoughts down, loosen the knot of anxiety that’s pulled at my chest all day. I don’t even know when I fall asleep, but I’m still alone when I wake with the rising sun.
As I pack up, the doubt kicks in all over again. I rush through getting ready. Like if I stop to think about it too hard, I’ll have time to come to my senses and turn around. The feeling only persists as we get back on the road.
Neither Mo nor Valar want to go faster than a walk today, as if they’re also hankering for home. But after the long haul they pulled for me yesterday, I don’t have the heart to urge them to go faster.
Instead, I get off and walk for a bit, though it does little to calm my swirling thoughts. In fact, the further I get from the Crux, the heavier the doubt gets. It starts to weigh me down more than my pack does, and by the time I stop that night, I’m doubting every decision that’s led me here.
Yet I still go through the motions. Take care of the horses, set up camp. I fall back into the familiar pattern of it like a second nature. Yet as I settle to sit on my bedroll, something in the air changes, a shimmer like a heat mirage warping the sky in front of me.
I realize it’s a sending the second before a figure slowly comes into focus. I’m afraid it’s Arlon again, but then Olbric’s face materializes in front of me. My heart leaps at the sight of him.
He blinks before a small smile crosses his face. His expression is so full of love and longing that it makes me ache.
“Hey,” he says quietly.
He’s sitting cross-legged on his bed, the light globe in his room turning everything to a warm, comfortable glow. He’s still dressed in a loose shirt and breeches, but his shoes are off, his hair damp from a recent bath.
I reach out towards the sending but stop short, afraid that if I touch it, it’ll break it apart. “Hey.”
Olbric gives a rueful laugh. “Well. I got caught.”
My grin feels fragile. “Weren’t you the one who’s experienced at sneaking out?”
“Yeah, well. Wasn’t expecting the guard to be that quick on his fucking feet.”
I hook my arms around my knees, an ache of longing settling like a rock in my chest. He feels so close, yet somehow so far away. “I’m sorry.”
His smile fades. “Why areyouapologizing? I’m the one who didn’t even make it out the gate.”
“Feels like I abandoned you.”
“You didn’t.” He says it so quickly that it’s like he was expecting me to say something like that.
I rub the back of my neck before asking, “How mad is Arlon?”
Olbric lets out a long breath. “Well, he’s not happy. I... think he’s sending someone after you. But the fact that he wouldn’t tell me who makes me think that they’re not coming to travel with you.”
I wince at that. “I keep looking over my shoulder, but no one’s caught up to me yet. The only people I’ve come across was a group of field hands on their way back home for the winter.”
“Keep your eyes out, alright?” Olbric’s gaze flicks to my neck. “And where the hell are your spells?”
I reach down and realize that I left them in my pack again. “They get too heavy when I’m riding. Feels like they’re bruising my chest with all the bouncing.”
Olbric scowls, his expression hardening. “Dom, I know you’re wary of your spells, butpromise meyou’ll at least keep an emergency strand on.”
He says it with such urgency that I’m already reaching for my pack to fish them out. I can’t even deny that it’s a good idea as I drape them around my neck. “I will, I promise.”
Olbric’s expression softens, and for a second, I can see how helpless he feels. “I’m sorry. I wanted to be there with you.”
I offer him a small smile. “Me too. But it’s not your fault.” I hug my knees a little tighter, resting my chin on them as I look up at him. “I’m... thinking about coming home.”
